I don't necessarily need to be here for this I'm going to keep the headphones up Motherfucker, I'm awesome, no, you're not, dude, don't lie I'm awesome, I'm drivin' around in my mom's ride I'm awesome, a quarter of my life gone by And I met all my friends online Motherfucker, I'm awesome, I will run away from a brawl I'm awesome, there's no voicemail, nobody called I'm awesome, I can't afford to buy eight-balls And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall You know my pants sag low, even though That went out of style like ten years ago Spose, I got the swagger of a cripple I got little biceps, getting fatter in the middle And lyrically I'm not the best Physically the opposite of Randy Moss and yet So preposterous, feel the awesomeness The most obnoxious guest up at the sausage-fest Oh yes, the girls are repulsed So I hide in my hood like I'm joining a cult I'm as nervous as my cat Ol' Dirty Curtis All my writtens are bitten and all my verses are purchased Me? I'll never date an actress, got too many back zits Plus my whole home-aroma is cat piss Every show I do is poorly promoted And if you like this it's 'cause my little sister wrote it I'm awesome, no, you're not, dude, don't lie I'm awesome, I'm drivin' around in my mom's ride I'm awesome, a quarter of my life gone by And I met all my friends online Motherfucker, I'm awesome, I will run away from a brawl I'm awesome, there's no voicemail, nobody called I'm awesome, I can't afford to buy eight-balls And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall, I'm awesome Check it out, I'm from Maine and I don't hunt (Nope) And I can't ski, smoke weed but I can't roll blunts Find me whipped by my wifey, my neck not icy Eatin' at McDonalds because Subway's pricey And my unibrow's plucked Just asked my mom if I could borrow ten bucks She's like, "For what? Blunt wraps and some Heinekens? You skinny prick, go get a gym membership and vitamins" I'm like, mom, please don't blame it on me I got my bad habits from you, Dad, and Aunt Steve My attitude's sour but my futon's sweet And the hair on my ass, it is Jumanji Suit untailored, ringtone Taylor Swift Can't tweet up on my twitter 'cause I haven't done shit Bank account red, body un-groomed The only good thing about me is I'm off stage soon I'm awesome, no, you're not, dude, don't lie I'm awesome, I'm drivin' around in my mom's ride I'm awesome, a quarter of my life gone by And I met all my friends online Motherfucker, I'm awesome, I will run away from a brawl I'm awesome, there's no voicemail, nobody called I'm awesome, I can't afford to buy eight-balls And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall, I'm awesome Furthermore, I'm cornier than ethanol, cheesier than provolone I spent ages eight to ten living in a motor home With an ego the size of Tim Duncan Even though I got shit for brains like a blumpkin I'm twenty-four serving lobster rolls Because I spent a decade filling Optimals And I'm not even the bomb in Maine On my game, I'm only about as sexy as John McCain Now put your hands up if you have nightmares If you wouldn't man-up if there was a fight here If you got dandruff, if you drink light beer I'm out of breath I'm awesome, no, you're not, dude, don't lie I'm awesome, I'm drivin' around in my mom's ride I'm awesome, a quarter of my life gone by And I met all my friends online Motherfucker, I'm awesome, I will run away from a brawl I'm awesome, there's no voicemail, nobody called I'm awesome, I can't afford to buy eight-balls And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall I'm awesome