Little Johnny was in his 4th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up--fireman, policeman, salesman, etc... Little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father. "My father's an exotic dancer in a *** club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money." The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly sent the other children to work on some coloring, and took Little Johnny aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?" "No," said Little Johnny, "He plays for the Washington Redskins, but I was too embarrassed to say so."
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?” One boy answers, “We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” “You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.” The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher
1. What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs? A condescending con descending. 2. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam! 3. There was a kid named ButtItches who always got in trouble at school. One day, he was sent to the principal office for disrupting his class one too many times. When he got to the office, the principal asked for his name. He replied, "ButtItches!" The principal, visibly upset, growled, "Now listen here, I'm giving you one more chance before I call your parents. Now, tell me your name." Once again, he replied, "ButtItches." Now the Principal, angered, called ButtItches' mother. A while later, ButtItches' mother ran into the principals room. "Oh! My poor ButtItches!" And the principal replied, "May I?"
A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery “Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks. “I´m having a baby.” – she replies. “Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes. “Yes, it is.” – she says. “Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look. “Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies. Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”
Did I already tell you my Alzheimer's joke? The key would be for my RS who is finding the hunt hard as they are small, it was their bday the other day too, so it's a late present
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking.
I've been lying on my CV for 10 years about my GCSE results, saying I got a B in Maths.. Pffft! I can't even count to B.?
Teacher: Jonathan you got 99 on the exams Jonathan: *dances* OH YEAH! BEAT THAT HONOR STUDENTS OH YEAH OH YEAH! Teacher: Everyone else got a perfect score. You may now sit down jonathan