A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid. A Sardar(guy with turban on head) stands up- we must find
Sardar-why r all these people running? Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup. Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet Man :- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
AThinkingApe company took all employee's to art gallery... Pimd developer looks and ask " i suppose this horrible looking thing is called modern art?? i make avatars better than these... Art dealer : i beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
Son: Are ghosts real? Dad: Of course not. Son: But the maid said they are. Dad: Son pack your bags....we don't have a maid
Anant said I am infected with a Highly Dangerous Virus Called "Weekly Overload Recreational Killer" (WORK). So he immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR).... Center to take antidotes known as -"Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE) -Radioactive UnWORK Medicine (RUM) -Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)
Birthday Song A birthday is a special day it comes once a year Forget the world is ending and just be of good cheer You wake up in the morning and your grandma calls And you spend an hour crying because only 14 people wrote on your facebook wall. And your ex wrote happy birthday with a lower case "b" followed by "..." just "Happy birthday..." What the HELL is that supposed to mean? At work they tie a balloon to your wheelie chair They got you a cupcake not a real cake and you pretend not to care. But it was Cristina's birthday last week and they did get her a real cake and she's only a temp so surely there's been some mistake. Because a cup cake not the same as a cake its only one fifth of the size. A cup cake is not the same as a cake. But its not a big deal I'm just grateful that you remembered. It's the time of the year till your best Friend mentions "OMG you must love birthdays because you love being the centre of attention!" Well thank you Stephine, thank you for coming. You started of fresh but now you're felling muddled People buying you shots like they want to get you in trouble And Stephenie is like "Is it weird for you that you are single but all your friends are in couples?" Thanks Stephenie, thank you so much for coming, you really know me ,so well On second thought make that gin and tonic a double Because its your birthday and your older and wiser But don't feel sad even if you celebrate the same way as last year by throwing up a kebab And crying and crying and crying in the bathroom because a cupcake is not the same as a cake It's only one fifth of the size A cupcake is not the same a s a cake but its not a big deal I'm just grateful that you remembered. This is not my song. Type in Mae Martin Birthday Song, if you want to hear it?And yes it's a comedy song that's why I put it as a joke.
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the the whole class. One day the teacher called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her nap. So once again, little Johnny came to the rescue and jabbed her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April went back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" So, once again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The Teacher fainted. I don't actually know where this joke is from, so if its from Google I apologize. A friend told it to me a few weeks ago.
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car , when his attention was derived to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating. " Why did you have to die ? Why did you have to die ? . The first man approached him and said , " Sir, i dont wish to interfere with your private grave , but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply ? A child ? A parent ? " The mourner took a moment to collect himself and replied. " My Wife's first husband"