Teacher : whoever answers my next question, can go home. One boy throws his bag out the window Teacher : who just threw that? Boy : Me! I’m going home now.
"Im so freaking wet" she said, "give it to me now!" She exclaimed.. She can scream all she wants, I'm keeping the umbrella
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks, "Do you know her?" "Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
Fall clothing really wears on my bank account. I want to stop buying, but I always end up swiping my debit CARDIGAN.
A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves. The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says. "For what?" The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute." The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money." The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary. The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary. It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."
Cop pulls me over and says, "Your eyes look red, you been smoking weed?" I replied, "Your eyes look glazed, you been eating doughnuts?"
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little BEHIND in his work :lol: :lol: :lol:
Pandas are such funny animals. Why does the girl have the largest boobs in the 3rd grade? She is 21.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one n let the other one off ?