A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"
There was a boy and he was only born with a head, no other body parts just a head. On his 18th birthday his dad took him out for his first pint. The boy took a drink and grew a neck. His dad was amazed, the barman said c'mon boy take another drink, then a body grew then arms and legs. The boy jumped up and ran straight out of the pub, WHACK! He got hit by a bus. The barman leaned over to his dad and said he should have quit while he was 'a head'
A boy following a girl. Girl:don't follow me Boy:why? Girl: my mom is following u Boy:don't worry girl:why? Boy:my father is following ur mom Hahahah
A Jew, a Mexican, a Black guy and a White guy walk into a bar together. What a fine example of an integrated community.
Knock knock. Who's there Alfred Alfred who? ALFRED my wings and i'll learn how to fly, i'll do what it takes till i touch the sky.. (Breakaway)
A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. The guy asks, "What's this about?" The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?" The guy replies, "Nah, the steaks are too high."
A horse walks into a bar. He walks up to the bartender and says "Give me a beer." The bartender is stunned, so he heads to the back of the bar to speak with the owner. "Hey boss" he says, "there's a horse in the bar asking for a beer." The bar owner pauses for a second, then replies "Well then give him one, but charge him double. Horses don't know the price of beer." So the bartender heads back out front and hands the horse a beer. "You know," says the bartender, "we don't get many horses around here." To which the horse replies, "At these prices I'm not surprised."
Ladies.... a man walks into a bar, sits on a bar stool and orders six shots of tequila. He drinks them all one immediately after another before letting out a huge sigh. The barman asks if hes had a rough day. "I just found out that my younger brother is gay" said the man. He then pays his bill and leaves. Two days later the same man returns and orders another six shots of tequila before drinking them in the same speedy manner. "Whats the problem now?" The barman asks. "I just found out that my elder brother is gay" the man says. He again pays his bill and leaves. Three days later he returns again and orders another six shots of tequila. "OH COME ON! DOESN'T ANYONE IN YOUR FAMILY LIKE WOMAN?!" the barman yells. "Yeah, My Wife..." (づ￣ ³￣)づ boom. Thats the sound of you being blown away
As an airplane is about to crash a female passenger gets up. "If im going to die i want to die feeling like a real woman" she then removes all her clothes. "Is there any man here who can make me feel like a real woman? Another male passenger stands up, takes off his shirt and says "Here, Iron This..."
A newly married couple are on honeymoon. Before making love the wife says to her husband please be gentle im still a virgin. The husband asks " how can that be? Youve been married 3 times before. The wife then explains "my first husband was a gynaecologist and all he wanted to do was touch it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. My third husband was a stamp collector and..... oh, i do miss him."