A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
Little suzy's Letter to Santa. You must be surprised that I'm writing you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month! While filled with illusion I wrote you a letter and I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year! Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, Santa, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me. With my parents, my brothers, my friends and with my neighbors, I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing I wouldn't do for humanity! WHAT BALLS YOU HAVE LEAVING ME A FU.CKING YO-YO, A STUPID ASS WHISTLE, AND A PAIR OF SOCKS! WHAT THE FU.CK WERE YOU THINKING, YOU FAT SON OF A BIT.CH? YOU'VE TAKEN ME FOR A SUCKER THE WHOLE FUC.KING YEAR, TO COME OUT WITH SOME SH.IT LIKE THIS UNDER THE DAMN TREE. AS IF YOU HADN'T FU.CKED ME ENOUGH, YOU GAVE THAT LITTLE SH.ITHEAD ACROSS THE STREET SO MANY FUC.KING TOYS, THAT HE CAN'T EVEN WALK INTO HIS DAMN HOUSE! PLEASE DON'T LET ME SEE YOU TRYING TO FIT YOUR BIG FAT ASS DOWN MY CHIMNEY NEXT YEAR! I'LL FU.CK YOU UP! I'LL THROW ROCKS AT THOSE STUPID ASS REINDEERS OF YOURS, AND SCARE THEM THE FU.CK AWAY, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO WALK YOUR BIG FAT ASS BACK TO THE NORTHPOLE, JUST LIKE I HAVE TO DO SINCE YOU DIDN'T GET ME THAT FUC.KING BIKE, YOU PUNK BIT.CH!! YOU KNOW WHAT SANTA, FU.CK YOU!! NEXT YEAR YOU'LL FIND OUT HOW BAD I CAN REALLY FUC.KING BE...YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING ON A MOTHER.FUC.KER FAR TOO LONG! SO WATCH YOUR BACK NEXT YEAR, YOU FAT BIT.CH! Sincerely, suzy
A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day." "Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay." The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!" On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"