If you want critique, I'll give you. Try using paragraphs more. Especially in between vocal sentences. It helps the readers navigate and understand the update better. Also, capital letters can be helpful. In names, pronouns even. Next, grammar. Well, what I noticed is that you used past tense in the beginning and somewhere in the middle switched to present tense. Lastly, don't leave any loop holes. How did Bianca end up there? How did Dimitri see the screen? Never leave your readers wondering upon loose ends on the update. Other than that, there is still room for improvement, but overall, it has potential! Good luck!
Dimitri's pov As I slept I had a strange realistic dream... I was at a time in my life that I don't even remember. I was about 10, and I was holding hands with a short girl. She had beautiful brown hair that just shined like a shiny new penny. I smiled, but Im not the one experiencing it...well I am but i am just watching the scene... Like a movie. I smile at my young self. A little proud that I could get such a beautiful girl at my age, and that's considering the fact that I hadn't grown into myself yet. I still had rady hair and those lanky limbs that quite didn't match my body. I didn't realize how much I have grown since this time.. I look back at me and this girl walking through the play ground. We are laughing, and i decide to chase her through the lucious flowing grass. I stop chasing her thinking she would stop. I keep trying to call her name, but she doesn't turn around. I start to run after her again, trying to warn her that there is a creek bed up a head. She finally sees it, and turns around to wave me over, and as I am sprinting towards her relieved that she realized that it was there. I am a few feet away, as she looses her footing... Her arms flail... Trying to stay balanced. I catch her hand at the last minute, but my hand isn't strong enough to hold her weight. She tells me to let go and save myself. I refuse... She let's go my hand and falls. She closes her eyes and doesn't even struggle as she falls and dies on impact. Bianca's pov "Aunt Rory!" I yell shocked. "Your dead!" I say as I stumble to stand up and back away from the imposter. She smiles at me and laughs her strikingly high laugh. "Oh my dear Bianca, you always where the daft one." she says with a shake of her head. I stare dumbfounded at her, not being able to speak to the woman standing before me. I take a tentative step forward and feel her face with the tips of my fingers. She sneers and pushes them away, "Im real Bianca! Stop acting like a child."She says in an irritated tone. I frown and step back, "sorry aunt Rory...It's just such a huge shock!" I say on the brink of tears."Well whatever it may be.. We need to get something straight. I am not your aunt. I have never been, nor will ever be." She says in a dismissive tone like it's nothing. My jaw drops open and I am left without words. Feedback!! Anything is amazing :~]
Bianca's pov She strikes me across the face, causing my nose to gush blood. I Collapse onto my knees in one fluid movement, as she shakes her head at me disapprovingly. "I don't understand why you feel tue need to be so dramatic!" she says as she throws her hands up in unison. "how do you expect me to act?" I say in a condescending manner, still trying to keep my nose from bleeding. "You act as if you have never been lied to my dear Bianca. I myself was in the dark about the world we live in many years ago. Until your uncle opened my eyes to what was really going on." She goes on as she paces in front of me. I sit in silence, contemplating what I should say next, I try not to burst into tees because I know thats just going to get me another slap. I slump over as I begin to get an agonizing pain in the back of my cerebrum. "Ahh!" I yell as the pain begins to increase. "What are you going on about now Bianca?" she says with an irritable tone. I hunch over myself clucking my head as I start to shift between my mind and someone else's. I feel myself beginning to be able to see inside my own mind. I search my mind as I search for the trigger of this madness. I see a small corner filled with the very thoughts I have of Dimitri. I walk towards it, because I feel drawn to the smell of rain, and a musky smell that Dimitri gives off. I walk in seeing all the things that Dimitri entrances me with. From his beautiful eyes, to his skinny jeans, and amazingly hot body. I see a screen appear, as I see Dimitri's thoughts.I think that's what I am seeing, but I'm not sure, and I reach to touch the screen as my hand seeps through....
Dimitri's pov I woke up with a start, when I saw her head hit that incoming rock. I sit up, my heart pounding right out of my chest, it feels like it just wants to escape from my ribs. The nurse comes in an wipes the cold swear from my forehead "Are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?" She asks me in a delicate voice so she doesn't scare me. "I'm okay" I say stuttering over my words I begin to hunch over in agonizing pain. It feels like someone else's mind is trying to push into mine. The nurse looks scared as I role onto the floor, hunching into a fetish position.