Separate names with a comma.
No offense to anyone, but your all kind of relaxed with positive comments ©Hawk[img]
If I didn't give you criticism then it would stay the same, don't cry over spilled milk... or simple criticism ©[img]™
Well you just say "so and so like eachother, but so and so like these people" try to infer it instead of coming out and saying it. And instead of...
I'm sorry, but you need to fix your writing style. This just seems like the script to a movie, not s story.
What's up people? Party time!
(I thought we stuck to our villages) Jack: -finishes untying the bag-
(wait, is Derek a vampire? If so what is he doing in human country... Surrounded by people who want to kill him O.o) Jack: -begins to untie the bag-
Jack: -mad- hey idiot, the bag contains a dead body. Use your pea sized brain for once in your life
Jack: no, it contains a dead body
Jack: well that's your problem, isn't it?
Uh.., that it? O.o
Jack: -lies- well you see, I found another victim killed by a vamp and figured I didn't want any children wandering over there and seeing the dead...
A red rider BB gun, I don't care what anyone says, there is no way I'm going to shoot my eye out. My friend would, but then again he also got his...
Jack: -Drags the body to a river- dumb heavy vampire
Jack: -begins to drag the body upstairs toward outside-
(it's cool) Jack: -rolls eyes as he puts the body in a bag- time to dispose
(jack is in a lab underground O.o)
Jack: -rolls eyes as the girl falls to the ground- shame...
Jack: -injects the teenage vampire in the neck- enjoy
Jack: -grins viciously as vampire squirms- don't struggle dear... That will get you a much more painful death then I already have planned for you