Separate names with a comma.
Pretty good. Bump!!
In some places, you need to fix your grammar. For example, when you said, "lucky me she my next door neighbor," you should say "I'm lucky that...
Hm. Can't see where this story is going yet, but it seems interesting. =)
I LOVE IT
Bump!!!!
Bump!
BUMP.
You should listen to the advice everyone gave you. Otherwise, not bad!
Incredible!!
Bump!!
BUMPPPPPPP
Fantastic writing!
Bump!!!
Yeah, it is a little confusing. I suggest you go through it more slowly, take your time explaining and describing what happens, so it's more...
WONDERFUL.
Amazing. Bump!
What??? Noooo!!!!!!!! I've been really busy, and haven't been able to go on for a while, but I still love this. Don't quit!!!!!!!!!
UPDATE!!
Amazing!! Bump!