Separate names with a comma.
Jess: -Keeps walking quickly, with her head down-
Steal a cop car and drive around underage blasting 'highway to hell' and throwing the ocasionall toy gun out of the car window. XD
(I love Avenged Sevenfold. :D They're awesome!)
Jess: -Quickly changes into human form and dodges around a small fire-
Jess: -Thinking- Bandit: -Stretches- (Oh God... )
Bleh. It better be an awesome update if I have to wait that long. >.< :D xD
I cannot wait that long. D: Plus, by then it'll no longer be "tonight", it'll be morning. D: Or at least here, anyway. :3
(Ah, okay. Thanks. ^.^ )
(If earth's destroyed...Where is everyone?)
(Holy poop, I missed a lot. I forgot I was part of this. XD Sorry! D: ((Just saw my CS for this on notes.. :3 )) So many brackets... >.> ) Jess:...
Avery... Geez, you make me laugh. :3
Yay. It better be Uber Suber long!
Jess: -Places the book on the grass next to her- Bandit: -Stands up slowly-
I like it. It's interesting. Just remember a few times to put a full stop where a comma is. :3 Other than that it's really good!
Avery... She has a few decent points, but they're kinda obnoxious...But still...
I'd also recomend you'd just make one good update, than lots of mini rushed frequent ones.
1. Needs more detail, you want the reader to be able to picture it. 2. Have a line/space/gap in between dialogue. 3. Put punctuation before...
Jess: -Turns a page- Bandit: -Looks into the water, lost in thought-
Jess: -Reads- Bandit: -Sits down by the lake and smiles, looking into it-
I know. :3