Separate names with a comma.
Um...you might want to not use emoticons just because they ruin the aspect of translating their dialogue and their tone into a specific...
You bump them when they're already on the front page.
I was talking to Partyfreak.
Pfft. He's lazy xP. Sleepin' at 9 PM.
Um...what? You don't need to switch pov's so quickly, and you can't do third person and first person unless you're writing a play. And the...
And if her brother was older of course he understood things.
What? Just...what? Of course it's part of the plot! It obviously has a huge role in what happens later on. That was also a spoiler.
Why Would you Spoil the story before it begun? You just gave away A huge part of the plot.
You might want to consider bunching up the paragraphs to make it easier to read in one post. A couple of grammar mistakes, no biggie, but when...
You can ask me on my wall but advertising your own story is a no-no, or any story at all...
It's funny how you bump it when it's on the first page.
I'm not saying you have to get off, I'm just saying there's a bit of an overwhelming bit of it going on. I've never told anyone that they need to...
When you're including dialogue, be sure to use the return button on the bottom right of your screen to start a new line. A bit of grammar and...
I'll warn you, this part is a bit...off but I felt the need to express their feelings for each other, and where they stand. I felt the need to...
I do, because I dislike them somewhat. But I won't tell anyone that I deserve respect because I've been around longer. The RPs here are not good,...
That's what I was going to say. It's pompous to say that you deserve respect for being here longer. Your seniority has no effect on your person. A...
What is this feeling we call love? Why do we call it that? What is out reasoning? A feeling, a feeling that is different. I think that's what...
*privilege
*have Of course people are reading :3