Separate names with a comma.
Kaitlyn: shivers a bit more.
Oh and sorry one last tip. An adverb does a world of good for a sentence. Adverb: word that ends in -ly.
And spelling. Work On the spelling. Don't rush through it.
Kaitlyn: wow that's cool. I was born in GB lived there till I was six. Moved here till I was 10. Went back to GB till I was 17 and now here I am....
Kaitlyn: shivers a tiny bit. So how long have you lived here?
This feel like a list. (1. There's an angel 2. His name is Gaara 3.he is a fallen angel) c'mon! Not just facts but you need some descriptions. How...
Kaitlyn: hes just getting bored. We usually walk around but it's cold so I decided to sit down.
Kaitlyn: laughs. I was too when I was starting. Oliver: gets bored and squawks
Kaitlyn: I don't draw. I paint. I gave an art studio downtown.
Kaitlyn: well I think that your very talented. You do great work. And you can't compare yourself to the famous ones yet. Most of them are like 50...
Kaityn: who's 'others'?
Kaitlyn: notices him drop the paper but decides not to mention it. Takes the drawing. Very good! I love the shading on the shadows. Youre very...
Kaitlyn: I don't believe you. Show me something. I'm an artist too. I'm also a violinist and detective.
Kaitlyn: looks at him for a moment. Your an artist.
Kaitlyn: my names kaitlyn. What's yours.
Kaitlyn: smiles.
Kaitlyn: well he hurt his wing and I found him as a baby and now here we are.
Kaitlyn: he's a peregrine.
Kaityln: looks up and gives a small wave.
(falcons don't chirp. They're too bad*** for that. I'll let it slide though. :) )