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One time my boyfriend's mom paid me to get him out of the house so she could fill up water balloons. We ambushed him. So yes, I love my...
I wanna be perm silenced lets see how long it takes
Geez, talk about pressure to stay in a relationship
It cost me 0 to ask you out. In fact, the game paid me to take you out of the dating pool
What the hell? It costs ec to date people? I wanna point out the last date I went on cost $3 as we had to replace someone's flowers. This is why...
He still doesn't. I have them in a jar on my nightstand. You need a magnifying glass to find them
I have "special" things with an abundance of people
Even better My dog just vomited down the stairs. I swear to fuck.
Phillip date me. That's the only time I'm ever going to say that so savor it
I'm going to make you pay attention. Cue knife sharpening noises.
Relationship? What relationship? I thought we talked about using that word
Yea, I've catfished people, but I'm too cool to be a victim . Have you ever been streaking?
"It sounds like a bad Hallmark reject," my teacher. "Wow, your hair is nice," my uncle Lenny. "Please don't," my mother.
That's how we keep the goat population down And deal. I've been writing about a Macy's Santa who snorts cocaine. I need creativity in my life
Death
With what then? And I can't tell you or then everyone would be doing it. BUT it does involve the slaughter of goats