Separate names with a comma.
-Turns to Herold- Can I have another chance?
Good
-Smiles and shakes his hand-
You need to use paragraphs so your main plot is easy to follow
-Hear Josh and laughs, walking to him- Hey Drake, sorry about the whole hypnotising thing
-Wanders-
-Wakes up in the cage- Huh?
-Starts to wake up-
-Watches, blood dripping onto the ground-
-Wanders past Melodie with my wrist still bleeding-
-Holds out wrist- Go ahead!
-Still knocked out-
-Completely pale-
I tripped, it's nothing really, I never run out of blood
-Almost dead-
-Leans against a tree feeling faint-
-Keeps bleeding-
-Only has a few minutes left-