Separate names with a comma.
(Did I miss much?)
K: Now what... *Takes the car, having learned to drive by watching the master whenever K was bought by someone in another city*
(Back) Krys: *Looks at Miranda* You too...
Krys: *Stops in her tracks, listening with her eyes still closed as she hears the snake still approaching*
K's master: What the- *Chokes, trying to struggle back. He's too fat to hit K properly* K: *Mercilessly strangles him until he passes out, but...
K's master: *Is looking away* K: *Eyes narrow, and he stands up, despite the weakness he feels from not having eaten in days, and he finally...
(Ok I'm here) K: *Slowly regains conciousness, lip is bleeding and his arms are sore*
Krys: Lily, are you ok?!
(Sure, go ahead)
Krys: Back off, whoever you are! *Shakes a little from the cold*
(Linda, I'll be there as soonas this drama is over, lol)
(James and Sam, have you guys seen the thread called story: harry potter next generation? It's pretty much this, just that we write in like story...
Krys: Snakes.... No offence Corin, but snakes suck. *Closes eyes, relying on her ears* Final chapter, eh? Good luck with that... *readies herself,...
Krys: Wait! *Turns around, facing the voice* WHO ARE YOU?!
()
Krys: It's ok, Lily.... *Tries to comfort her*
No problem!
Yup.
Apart from that, great story! Remember to put spaces in between punctuation marks and commas.