I am made of anger, hate, and frustration. My whole life is built around despair and disappointments. No matter what I do, nothing seems to change. I'm a mess of insecurities. Those insecurities are what kills me, and burns down any friends I make. No matter how many times I try to grow past it, they creep up at the most unexpected time, and in the most inconvenient places. I push people away more than I would like to admit, and my parents didn't make it any easier. "You're never gonna be good enough." I can't be the only female around here that's heard those words. Both from significant others and from my own parents. I wanna say it hurts, but never once did it... Until now. As I grow older, I realize I'm turning out just like my parents. The bad parts anyways. Things I've never wanted to be like. I have the anger like my step dad, the ability to walk away like my dad, and the ability to sit there and take all the abuse like my mother. The worst of their qualities, make me. Now I'm not saying I'm all of a bad person, I just dwell on the worst parts of everything instead of remembering that it's not gonna rain forever, that the sun will come up tomorrow (pardon my movie references right now). The bad can't last forever, although I think it can. There's things that happened in my past that I'm not particularly happy about, or even okay with. Things that make this fight to be a better person stronger. These things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But they say "You're given this life because you're strong enough to live it." I've been molested and abused at such a young age, and for you ladies who don't think you can overcome that... Yes you can. I am a former cutter, and I used to be prone to extreme outbursts of fighting. Oh yes, I want to believe it... But there's days, where these things overwhelm me, and all I can think about is suicide. At that point, things seem like they'll never get better. Eventually they do. It takes work, patience and determination. I'm writing this, basically because it's how I'm feeling, and I'll probably regret this, because of all the shit I know I'll end up getting because of this. But, you know what, it's about time someone raises a hand and say "I'm messed up, but I know I'll be okay." I honestly don't give a damn if anybody reads this, or even says anything. Depression is a serious matter, and people make jokes about it. It's not a joking matter. For all those people who are going to call me an emo child, well you know what, fuck off. I'm a 24 year old woman who has things to let off her chest, so I can feel better, and maybe someone else stand up, and say they feel the same way. I do not want your pity party, believe me, I have enough of that. This is simply a thread, put together for the sake of my sanity over serious issues going on in my life. I'm only human, and writing is how I vent my anger, and sadness. I'm done. ️