Undead.

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by *Orisel (01), Aug 2, 2012.

  1. Arriving at Gatewood High School, Primrose walked inside. As she put her hand through her long brown curly hair, her phone vibrated. Checking her messages, she had received one from Beth. Beth was Primroses best friend, who had long blonde hair and blue eyes. The message said "HELP" Immediately, her heart beat more than ever.
     
    #1 *Orisel (01), Aug 2, 2012
  2. Needs organization of details, for example "She thought of her best friend and her long blond hair as her heart began to beat faster with every passing second" or something like that
     
    #2 Percyous, Aug 2, 2012
  3. Dam. My only feedback is bad 
     
    #3 *Orisel (01), Aug 2, 2012
  4. Only constructive critisism, so far I like it, but you only gave me a little bit to witk off and so I say  update or i will get killed,  or will i? Oh wait,  dangit, he has backup,
     
    #4 Percyous, Aug 2, 2012
  5.  m takin them down with me! But still update
     
    #5 Percyous, Aug 2, 2012
  6. It's pretty good so far but like he said just add some more detail maybe write more an space it out.
     
    #6 *Charlie-Bush (01), Aug 2, 2012
  7. To space it out use like paragraphs.
     
    #7 *Charlie-Bush (01), Aug 2, 2012
  8. Maybe I shall update tomorrow. Unless you force me to update :3
     
    #8 *Orisel (01), Aug 2, 2012
  9.  update or we all go down!
     
    #9 Percyous, Aug 3, 2012
  10. I not I'm outa here 
     
    #10 *Charlie-Bush (01), Aug 3, 2012
  11.  Too late! You're trapped!
     
    #11 Percyous, Aug 3, 2012
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