It's really really long. Beware. ~Ten years ago~ Stacy Jones...she's so weird. I don't understand why she's always starin and Michael Callahan. He's told me about the weirdest things. He tells me that soon girls will have big chests and gets this creepy, greedy look on his face. When he says that I think of Susan when she grew a big chest. Hers was big, at least that's what Joey Tyler said when he came over. I punched him. He don't come over a lot nomore. Not cool to stay stuff bout my sister. Michael thinks girls need to work in the kitchen and need a good spankin like a little kid, least that's what his daddy tells him. He says his daddy knows everything there is to be known. I don't think so. His daddy is big and blonde and dumb, just like him. He always smells like the bottles my own daddy's got hidden in the basement that never see the light of day unless it's a big occasion. On Michael's seventh birthday this year he started runnin around screaming at his momma. Michael's daddy went away on business and never came back. Michael says his daddy is still right about girls. Stacy Jones still stares at him and giggles if he looks at her. He's taken to walking behind her and pulling her hair, or tripping her, but she always wants to play with him and his mean friends. I don't understand it. Stacy is pretty. She has big, hazel eyes and light brown hair. She looks just like her momma. She should play with me and my friends. We don't play rough or mean. It's usually me, Frankie Brown, Glenn Jacob, and Dylan Foster. Dylan and Glenn and Frankie are the best pals ever. They think Stacy's crazy too. Gillian Piper says she thinks Stacy likes Michael. But Gillian Piper also thinks Glenn is cute. And Dylan. And Henry Remy. Gillian is weird. I catch her giving me weird looks too. I think that Michael isn't very nice. Today was the day that Michael's daddy went away so it's okay for him to be mean today. ~Four years later~ Today is the seventh anniversary of the day that Michael Callahan's dad disappeared. I'm surprised that I remember that. I don't really care. Callahan is an ass. He has been since we were five. If nice guys finish last, I'm the guy gasping for breath before he's passed halfway. Gillian Piper says I'm way too nice for girls my age. They prefer douche bags. Gillian is very wise when it comes to this stuff. She lives right beside me, and she has ever since we were little. She moved beside me when we were seven. She's surprised I still talk with Stacy. She thinks she's easy. I don't know about that. We're just freshmen, after all. Glenn thinks Stacy's hot. I don't know what I think about that. Gillian says they'd make a cute couple. Gillian thinks everyone would make a cute couple, even me and Glenn, if either of us was homosexual. This is not the case. I don't like using gay, it just sounds weird. Frankie thinks we should all just calm down. Frankie has taken to pot, and he and Dylan always show up to school high, often having the munchies. If we don't have a bag of Cheetos lying around hell on earth goes down. Glenn thinks they need to get their heads on straight. Glenn is a straight A student fluent in Hebrew. Me? I'm too concerned about if the earths going to collapse and be engulfed in flames if I decide not to take up the family business. I have no particular passion for being a banker. My father owns the bank. My grandfather took over from his father, and his father from his, and so forth. First bank in Havre, Montana, this that, blah blah, you bring much shame to this family! I think a lot, today, I think Gillian is wrong. Girls never fall for the nice guy. Never. ~Present day~ I awake to Glenn smiling, all doped up and munching away at Cheetos. It's just me and him. "Where's Dylan and Frankie?" I ask him "They're downstairs playing on the wii." Glenn replies. His baggy is empty, I notice. Glenn doesn't usually smoke, just to take the edge off. I don't blame him. Hell, if I didn't have asthma I might give it a go too. We're all at his house because Mr. and Mrs. Jacob are out. Glenn is a more of a small gathering kind of guy, plus Dylan supposedly knew how to get the stuff, Frankie was excellent for entertainment, (any noise you wanted, Frankie could produce with his mouth.) and I was just the guy they could depend on if shit got real. I made a face, then walked downstairs. Saying Glenn's house is large is a gross understatement. It was a big house, for just Glenn and his parents. His dad earned this gigantic monster of a house. He is the president of a record company label. But I think this is an exaggerated amount of space just to say "Haha I'm richer than you!" I think this as I trudge down the huge spiral staircase. When I finally reach the bottom, I hear screaming. I run to the living room, the smell of weed still prominent in the air, to see Frankie and Dylan play boxing on the wii. Dylan is declaring war and Frankie yells "BONZAI!" as he knocks Dylan out. I watch them, extremely amused. Glenn is the only really doped up one. When Glenn gets high, even Dylan and Frankie watch out for him. Dylan is a squirrel when he's not too high. Frankie is just downright hilarious. But both of them care about Glenn just like I do. It's weird, but we all take to protecting him because he needs it. He'd still be the little nerd getting his ass kicked in second grade if we weren't around. He's just endearing, like a labrador puppy. He has big, almost black eyes and curly black hair. He's about my size, if not a little taller. The fact that he's rich and super smart doesn't phase me. He's still my best friend. As I'm lost in my reverie, Frankie tackles Dylan and they fly into me. Frankie is a giant and Dylan is a weasel. I'm right in between. "What the fuck?!?" I yell as I jump away. They wrestle on the ground, yelling at each other. I manage to pull Dylan away from Frankie. "What the hell guys?!? It's two in the fuckin morning!" I check the time and realize it's true. F:"He cheated!" D:"Who cheats on fucking Wii Sports?!?" F:"You!" Me:"How do you cheat on Wii Sports anyhow?" This goes on until three in the morning. Literally. I've passed out on the couch those two on the floor, hugging each other. I awake to Glenn again, but this time he's offering me his hand. My back hurts like hell. He tells me that he found me curled in the fetal position with two wii remotes. He found Frankie and Dylan wrapped around each other. I stand up and stretch. I look at Glenn sleepily. "What time is it?" "8:30." "Shit man, we're gonna be late for school." Glenn shrugs as I walk to the kitchen to find something to eat. Glenn, being the amazing friend that he is, made chocolate chip pancakes. I look at him. "Pancakes are awesome." he nods in agreement. "Help yourself. I asked Guadalupe to make them before she left to go get groceries." Of course. He told the maid to do it. She was cool, and I learned Spanish from her. She has a son whose a gardener with a huge truck and three kids. She makes the best pancakes in the world. Period. I enjoy sleeping over because of this reason. I finish wolfing down my pancakes and I go to the living room, yelling at Dylan and Frankie to stop spooning.