Heyy! Here's the new story! I changed the beginning but the characters are gonna be the same. I hope you enjoy She stared blankly at the once beautifully crafted mirror. Once her mother's, the mirror was now a shattered mess. The pieces glinted in the sun. Her head ached from the little burst of anger. She hadn't wanted to but as she stared out into the field where her father plowed their small plot of land, she felt something in her break, and in that small moment, the mirror shattered. The three moons were easily seen on this certain day. Today they would align and with that, the powers of all and any magical being would grow. It was temporary but it was a dangerous time for anybody. She was different from any. Though she lived with humans, she was half faerie. Her mother had died on such a night. She had been too young to remember but it was a cold blooded murder. She remembered the blood, the tears, and her father's screaming. She had never seem him so distraught and so afraid. But she was so young, the images weren’t clear. After that night, he had changed. It was as if she had not only lost her mother, but her father had passed also, and in his place was a hollow corpse. He worked late, went to the local bar to get drunk even later, and returned home just in time to catch an hour of sleep, where afterward he would wake up and it would all start over again. She was turning into him. When she looked in a mirror she saw a young girl, lifeless. She saw her mother, and she saw a similar death for herself. Perhaps not with another's hand, but with her own. She had to get out. The night was brighter than usual, and the moons closer. With just a burlap sack and the clothes on her back, she began her new life. The over lapping moons lighted her path. She could feel faerie magic in the wind. It felt so familiar, and so comforting. The feel of it lightly kissed her skin, just as her mother's own magic had once done so. Faeries were of the higher beings. Their powers were much stronger than most but being the creatures of earth, they had no need to get involved with the human population, or any creature for that matter. Her mother had been different. Her mother had the typical faerie features. She had a natural grace and beauty to her. She commanded attention, and she forced respect. She had such an intense allure, she was almost too flawless. Through the intimidating physical appearance, she was a kind, strong, courageous woman. She loved a human, something no other faerie would have dared done.
Alrighty......I'll see what I can whip up. Oh dang your my prince! I've been needing two and you just claimed one spot!
She walked the dirt path. It would lead to the city. The lights of the inn shone brightly, still alive with drunken men and merchants. The butcher, the tailor, the candlestick maker, and even the blacksmith had all gone to bed. With the money she had saved all those years, she decided it would be well spent at the inn. She needed some rest, and some warm food in her stomach. She could feel the laughter within the inn hit her as she opened the door, but all drew quiet as the attention landed on her. She was quiet entering, and graceful as she moved. She seemed to float rather than walk. Her nerves were getting the best of her. Sophie could tell as she watched the young girl maneuver around the mass body of alcohol scented men. Luka noticed how the men looked at the girl also. They had a sort of hunger in their eyes. The girl must not have known of her own beauty, otherwise she would've been standing tall, but she seemed to try to hide in herself. She wouldn't know how to fight if she needed to. And she would indeed need to if she planned to stay here. Her movements seemed almost impossibly graced. Her hand handed money over so smoothly, like the way a dancer would move. Maybe that's what she was. Sophie looked her up and down. She had long black curls. Her plain dress was that of a peasants and that must be true if she was traveling alone. As she turned she could see the girl had unimaginably strange eyes. They were pale and blue. Her face was gentle but scared and she was most definitely a pretty thing. But as a wind from an open window blew threw, she caught a familiar smell coming from the girl. This smell drowned out that off the beer and sweat. It was pure simple fairy magic. It explained everything. No human possessed such beauty and grace. And no human could attract such attention when they wished it away as the girl so obviously did. But what was a fairy doing among humans, looking so human herself?
She could feel their eyes. The men reeked and in the corner were two young women, both dressed in armor. Elfin guards. Their slightly pointed ears gave them away and one had a strange hair coloring. It was pink. It wasn't common for an elf to be born with such color, it was quite rare. The only possibly way this could happen is if she had been born during a night in which all moons were full. The color was always random. Her mother had told her tales about the elves. They were swift fighters, and cunning. They were often very strong and nimble, and very skilled in the art of weaponry. They crafted the most powerful and beautiful swords. They were different from fairies. They didn't mind the company of humans, most because they were similar in appearances and smell, where as faeries smelled of the purest magic, and had looks that were too perfect, it was almost frightening. This particular elf was tall and quite muscular. Over her black clothing she wore armor. Her sword was magnificent. Her hair was at a medium length, and her eyes were green. But what really caught her attention was the necklace she wore. It was the shape of a human heart, she knew this because her mother had taught her many things about organs, a strange subject to teach but she had in mind that it was for good reason. The girls companion had long blonde hair, blue eyes, and clothing similar to the other. She had broad shoulders and was shorter than the pink haired elf. She was equipped with a dagger on her side but it was nothing compared to the bow she had lain across the table. A large heavy hand drew her attention to a bearded older man. He smiled at her an winked. She knew what he had in mind and with as much courage she could muster she pulled away and attempted a look of scorn, one she had seen her mother give her father. It seemed to only motivate him however. He spoke with such a teasing deep voice, his revolting breath hitting her. "Now come on my dear. No beauty such as yerself should be travelin alone. It's a very dangerous world out there. Now why don't you let me, a very dignified man take care of ya." She spoke with haste. The words flowing out of her before she could stop herself. "Your a vile creature. Your breath reeks and you have more hair on you than any dog I've seen. Your disgusting and I don't and never will ever want to be in the company of the likes of you." His hand shot out but someone stopped him before it landed on her face. "Now you wouldn't want to hurt such a pretty face would you? I'm sure the fairy people would be very upset at your actions toward one of their own. The girl was simply being honest. A very common trait among fairies. It would be horrid if you found yourself in the faerie lands. A most unfortunate thing indeed." He looked over the pink haired guard and left without a word. "What's your name and what are you doing in such a place?" "My name is Fayette. I'm here because I want to live. " She was lead to the table where the blonde guard sat patiently. "My names Sophia, but you may call me Sophie. And this is my friend, Luka." Fayette now noticed how pink Sophie's hair really was. "I don't suppose coming here was the best idea." "No miss Fay, not if your whole mission was to live. What are you running away from?" Luka, spoke kindly. She took a seat at the table as a young girl set out her bowl of broth in front of her. It smelled, good. Something new compared to her thin soups. "My father is human, my mother was a fairy. I belong to no one and I have no where to go but I must find my way to somewhere where I'll be welcomed." Sophie looked at the fragile thing sitting at the table. She couldn't imagine someone of such build and such ignorance towards her true gifts, to travel alone and survive. "I won't allow you to wander this world alone. You know nothing of your powers and it's most important that you figure it out. We are headed home to The Green. You will come with us. There we will figure out how were gonna get you to the faerie lands."
Since I'm leaving I'll try and change the story. It's a good thing I wing everything I write lol. Leaves room for creativity
Ok, but don't leave permanently just come here like once a day to update and that's all, leave your club and cut off all connection so your not tempted to stay longer than it takes to update....
My, goodness, such a nice story indeed. However, there are some problems I spot in the story. One in particular I believe is the flow. Now, one might argue you do have good flow, and I couldn't agree more, however there are some parts that catches my eyes and I think to myself it could be rephrased somehow. I also noticed the setting of your story is in the past except with added magical things. I must say, I certainly have not time traveled a few hundred years in the past, but I find the dialog somehow unrealistic. After all, as in our speech in the present has some words that spice up our sentences rather than just plain speech and I believe back than they had some of their own rather than simple words. There also the rather, unrealistic declaration of, "You will come with us." and her thoughts of protecting the strange girl. Perhaps it's not so unrealistic, but I find it odd someone would offer another protection especially when it's a mere stranger rather than a close friend. After all, protecting someone is letting them use you as a shield, and that shield can by pierced by a sword if strong enough. Which is why people don't offer it left and right. I understand she's rather, "special", and there may be a motive behind protecting the girl and can be benefited later. That would explain why, however if you were planning on her to join allies as companions, than it's best to just have the pink-haired woman offer the half-bled girl a chance to travel along them to a place where she can fit in better and have their relationship grow slowly in the process. Now, there is the lack of description one could say of the main character's feelings. It's obvious she has rather dark thoughts, and I understand if the writer didn't write her thoughts in full detail as they are, after all, very dark thoughts. However, if one did describe the thoughts in full, it might help the reader capture the emotion of the main character better. After reading what you've written so far and the title, I'm rather sure your story has to do with the emotions of your character as she tries to find somewhere to fit in, somewhere to live. That means, the reader must also capture the emotion of the character to fully understand the story. And how could the reader do that if the writer does not provide the needed information? It is merely a thought, do not think it is a jest as I very much enjoyed your writing, but I must point it out so it may help you in the future. That is all I can think of as of now. Please continue updating.
Ah, I'll get around to your fanfiction... Its just the size of 18 pages kind a scared me away... I was half-asleep and I didn't really want to read something that long, but I'll try to read yours today. And if I was an editor, I would be a horrible one. Trust me, my grammar and spelling isn't good at all.