Tell me if this is any good, you want to keep reading it, or if it is just a waste of time. Please and thanks. Chapter One: The beginning A place torn apart by war.. Atomic bombs have fallen on the Earth over 100 years ago. Radiation pockets paint the land across every continent. If you manage to live in one of the vaults, you were safe from harms way. In the vaults, you have clean water, coming from deep inside of the Earth, and food rations. Hopefully you were lucky and ended up being assigned to the one vault that grows their own food. The food has to come from somewhere.. So here we are, leaving Vault 67, and telling you their story. Nobody has stepped outside of the vault since the bombs fell. One person has made an attempt, but they never came back alive.. So two brave adventurers, one male and one female decide to embark on their journey to discover what is generally called, "The Wasteland." As they finish packing up, they say their goodbyes to all of the vault members.. Tears are forming at families faces, prayers are said by Church groups, offerings are made in encouragement of safe travels. As the final goodbyes are said, the button is pressed. A key drops from the roof, and slides forward into the vaults chamber and twists. After an extremely loud screeching noise due to inactivity, the key pulls out the vaults doors, and rolls in off to the side tracks. You can already smell the change in atmosphere.. A small kid offers a baseball bat and his favorite ball cap in appreciation. "I will bring this back to you, along with safe locations, so we are able to move out of this vault and restart the world," I said. I couldn't say anything else, as my heart was pounding beyond comprehension.. You have no idea what it feels like to be the first person to leave a safe haven into almost certain death.. "Goodbye everyone!" Said the girl and I as we begun walking through the vaults corridor, to the entrance of the cave. Everything had begun to get brighter.. The sun was out, the air was dirty and stale, everything.. Everything was broken.. The schools our grandparents and their parents went to were torn down.. There are people out here? "HEY! Over here! Can you tell us what happened out here?" I yelled in an attempt to get their attention.. It worked. The people quickly draw their guns, as I shove the girl I was with off to the side. Luckily she fell behind a rock as a bullet rips right past where she was just standing. Adrenaline soon began to take over. The stale air is clouding my judgement, but my perception seems to be taking me over right now. I quickly jerk away from shoving the girl as the bullet rips by, and I quickly make my way behind a blown up car. The windows are gone, and it is completely rusted over.. Everything is so dusty, I can't help but to cough. "I can use this, I have an idea.." I whispered to myself as I picked up a bunch of dirt off of the ground. I quickly stood up afterwards and threw dirt up into the air as I took off to the side. "A smokescreen," I said with a smirk, as I was sprinting my way behind a torn down wooden building.. "Everything here looks terrible." I made this judgement as soon as I walked inside.. There were bodies laid all over the place, chains and what-not.. "I'm not messing with the right sort of people here." I quickly began scavenging the bodies for anything useful.. I found a .357 magnum, but no rounds, so that was absolutely no help.. I begun to get stressed out, and in my lack of awareness, I ended up knocking over a bucket.. Not good! As the bucket knocks over, I heard two people whispering, and the clattering sound of someone putting a magazine into their rifle. "Someone is in there." Using my intelligence, I quickly began to piece together ideas.. That was my job back in the vault, I was what you would call a, "Renaissance Man." I wouldn't say I was perfect at everything, but I always had something to do or say to make things better, so the name just stuck. In the old building, their were two walls.. I was in the corner of the two walls, with an obnoxious bucket, an empty .357 magnum, some bodies, a baseball bat, and a hat. Quickly thinking, I put the hat on the bucket, and propped it up against the door hinges on the door I came in, and closed it just enough so it looked as if the person was peaking through. I last second adjusted the framing so it looked as if the magnum was poking through the door, as if someone were to be sneaking in.. I had to stay quiet, I found the darkest section of the room.. I quieted my breathing to the point where I only heard the rustling of footsteps, the wind howling through broken buildings and the memories people once had, and my very own heartbeat.. The footsteps draw closer.. I see a shadow.. This is about to happen.
The idea is original, and it seems very interesting. I wanted to read more when the update ended. :c I suggest more use of adjectives, but other than that, good job! :>
Chapter two: Fight for the Schoolhouse. The steps draw closer, my breathing narrows, I close my eyes and wait for the right moment.. Once I hear the smack of the mans foot touch the inside of the house, instead of the gravel sounds from the outside, I spring up from the shadow, and hit the man as hard I could with the bat. The one man goes down, but I completely forgot about the second. A bullet tears through my shoulder, and my vision goes instantly red. A power surge went through my mind as I charged at the guy using all of my strength. I clocked the guy on the head.. Two raiders are down. I heard shouting, tons of shouting. The first thing I do from here is collect their weapons and ammo. I reload my gun with whatever ammo I have, and keep the others in a pack I have on my hip. The one raider had some food, drugs, and a few different variations of munitions, while the other had the same, but had another .357 magnum. "I'll worry about that later." People began racing towards the scene that had just happened, and I quickly removed the bucket and hat from the hinges. Putting on the cap was simple, but removing the gun proved difficult, because right once I did, the bucket fell to the floor. BANG! I bolted away from there as fast as I could.. It was extremely hard for me to breathe.. I haven't left the vault for half an hour and I've been shot, killed two people, and have seen so many bodies.. Is this worth it? I go back towards to rock, and gave the girl my extra magnum I had picked up, preloaded with bullets. We made our stand there, but slowly enough I began to fade away. My vision was getting hazy due to the lack of blood flow. The girl I an with is luckily a medic, but we have no supplies.. As the shooting stops, I prop myself up against a rock. My friend then leaves me to go collect what she can around the area. I hear a few more gunshots in the distance, and my eyes widen.. Assault rifles? After I hear the rifles unleash their whole salvos on their target, I hear voices, a lot of voices. Deep and commanding voices. I hear my friend, "Hey! You'll be fine! Someone sent a rescue squad. Someone must have heard this!" I close my eyes in forgiveness as the sound of stomping feet surround me.. I blank out, emotionless.. Dark. This is my life... I wake up a few days later with the largest migraine, and begin to look around. Everything is blurry, and I can't see anything. I try to sit up, but I'm strapped down. I can't do anything, so I just closed my eyes.. I know I was on some sort of pain killers, but I didn't know what. This isn't like the doctor robot that took care of us inside of the vault, this must've been some sort of field medical type drug. I keep asking, "Where am I? What are you guys doing?" I know there were people in the room, and I know people are replying to me. I just cant seem to fit meaning into their sentences.. I also realize my friend is there as I feel lips on my cheek as I pass out once again. "You'll be fine." Three days later..
You have a very nice taste in this genre that I think your doing..... Very original, I enjoyed my stay, but I would also love if you would add more detail, it's a really good story and it's wouldn't be good if you didn't continue. Keep up the good work.
All I have to say is that's it's good, but it could use adjectives. Not just the boring adjectives; but the deep, soulful ones. Also, use punctuation. Otherwise, it's good! Continue! :>