I knew I couldnt do it any more, my blue eyes twinkling in the moonlight my brown long straight hair blowing around my pale face. I found myself standing in a small dark alley way no one with me just me and only me. I felt strange like something was going to happen something but im not sure what. It felt like i was being followed by someone or something i turned around quickly, nothing was there. I kept walking. I could hear a voice inside my head saying why are you out here Emma why, i could also hear me breathing it was fast quite fast, faster then normal. I turned around again still nothing, no one there. I started running faster and faster as fast as i could. Suddenly i stopped... A hand grabbed my shoulder, I felt teeth bitting into my next i screamed half with fear half of fright. Finally she let go.I Lied on the floor for a few minutes thinking if i was dead. My first story tell me if its good or bad and if i should or should not continue!!
A few minutes later i was lying on a bed With a guy looking at me he had brown hair, red eyes and a pale face. I knew this place was weird but that guy wasnt who bit me. I rubbed my eyes and yawned and look at him, he looked at me. There was complete silence for a bit then suddenly he broke the silenced he said "are you hungrey dear oh by the way im andrew" i look at him again. There was another bit of silenced. I finally was able to spit out a few words i managed to say "where where am i" he replyed "at the vampires den!" i look at him in amazment "vampire den" i said suprised. I sat up and swang my legs over the side of the bed. he sat next to me. suddenly he got up he looked down a hallway and remember dinner was meant to be cooked he quickly ran out the room and stopped at the door way he said quickly "well i got to go hunting do you want to come" it was 12:00 am it was very late, no one was around. I nodded slowley. I followed him down the hallway and out the door, the moon was bright and as white as a cloud. I looked round i could exscape now but i didnt dare i wouldnt dare to think what they would do to find me. I stayed close to Andrew whilst he got food. I was starving. We walked back to the kitchen, I looked out the window into the dark misty night and gave a big sigh. I wish i was home now all cosy in my bed im not sure if i ever will be again. I really hope i will be i really do.
... This is what I'm talking about. Saying it's WONDERFUL and great without any errors when in reality it could use some fixing. Ugh. Sometimes I don't know why I bother. Deary, there are some grammar mistakes. Use some commas and 'and' if you need to. I suggest you capitalize your words and indent your paragraphs, so it'll be easier to read. Descriptive words can be used as well. The plot is okay so far, but don't rush it. Don't be afraid to put in more words... Just know how to use them. :/
We never said it was perfect... We were saying it was good... Not perfect... We like it... Maybe u shouldn't but in in everyones lives... Some ppl can go w/o ur opinion... Ok...
She never said it was perfect either you know? And she was just offering some advice and trying to help her making her writing better. No need to bash her for it. Yes, people can go without her opinion but the author did say to tell if it was good or bad._. -Nightmare
What I mean is u shouldn't tell us as readers what to do... We comment what we think... Some of us don't comment about mistakes cuz one the story is finished then the writer goes back through and corrects it... The first copy always has mistakes...
Honey._. Goldia was tryin to help. Help with a capital H ._. I don't really get your first sentence. I mean we're readers and you're also a reader ._. -Nightmare