~This story comes from a man named Adam~ Marie seemed like the perfect girl. She was funny, outgoing, sweet, caring and beautiful. She had blonde hair and blue eyes. Dimples when she smiled and the sweetest voice ever. I loved her with all my heart. At least I thought. Me and her talked three times and then I wouldn't talk because my mom died. Before I knew it she wouldn't talk to me so I blew up making a big lie and went with another girl. Marie and I did some baby making before we broke up so I left her with my baby. Now I am with a girl name Claire and I ignore Marie and the baby and her new man.
Seems interesting so far. There are some grammatical errors, and I'd suggest adding some description and emotion and whatnot instead of having the narration stay objective. Keep going!
I amend that; it's not exactly objective but the narrator just seems kind of blasé about the whole thing. Maybe go more in depth about how he felt. Also, some parts just seem kind of confusing because of the wording.