Imagine you are an adult meeting your friend and there spouse, they're kid is around 13-14 and is always in his room. All you can really hear is Scenes from Star Trek, the violence of call of duty then the occasional "I Wish I Was In the Land of Cotten" which seems louder then the rest now you got the lyrics stuck in your head, all you can do is whistle or hum the tone or mutter "I wish I was in the land of Cotten old times there are not forgotten" you tell your friend to tell the kid to do activity go to a friends house do something else but you know that your friend is very kind and only cares about if her son is happy and everyone else. You want to storm up to the kids room and slap him and ye at him to get a life and the only thing holding you back is your friend. You look back on past visits and remember that you've never seen him or heard him or smelled him so what does he look like? Is he very fat and huge or does he have a fast metabolism and is skinny? Or does he work out when your not there. You hear a door open and close and you hear foot steps down the stairs, the Kid steps into the room and you see him for the first time. THE END
What the first poster said, and also, the story seemed pretty rushed. Add details, emotions, and suspense to slow it down and make it more interesting.
Writing isn't about grammar, or mistakes. Writing IS ABOUT POURING YOUR HEART AND SOUL INTO YOUR WORK... MAKIN THE READER FEEL THE EMOTION!!!!! Good grammar and crap does not make a story good, the content, the plot, the words, THE EMOTION IS WHAT MAKES IT GOOD. Oh damn my sensei taught me well <333
Yes spit, emotion and plot and soul are all extremely important. But so is "good grammar and crap". Yes, if I read a story that is so full of emotion it has me crying I'll excuse some technical errors. Some. A story still needs to have those technical aspects, though. Writing that has tons of mistakes are generally not that good. If that same story that made me cry, say, had no paragraphs and had many spelling and grammar mistakes I would just leave without reading it.
My past teachers always said I was a good WRITER MUAHAHA I would make you all CRY, But I wouldn't want that.