I woke up to the sound of chirping and a bright light. "Why is it so bright at 6 in the morning?" I looked at my phone, and my eyes widened, "crap it's actually 7!" My name is Aaron Young, I'm 5'7" and 16. I'm also going to be late for school. I took a shower and put on a black shirt, light blue sweater, blue jeans,
Sorry its this stupid android -.- ********************** High top Nike classics. Luckily my mom was still asleep, so I grabbed my headphones and earphones then snuck outside to walk to school. When I was halfway to school, I saw a girl surrounded by three thugs. "Hey there sweetie, let us cut that cake," said one of the thugs. "Ok, tell me how it tastes." After she said that she round house kicked the one that asked. "Oh, I'm sorry is it to sweet?" When that happened, the other two rushed at her, but I flipped one then punched the other. "Thank you," she said.
Like this little guy over here your story needs to grow, and has the potential to do so. Add more detail for starters. That'll make it more interesting and shows us that it's not rushed. Character development wouldn't hurt too.
I agree with Z person (forgot name like 2 secs after opening posting thingy). You need LOTS more details. That whole "fight scene" went down waaaaay too quickly. But this story DOES have potintal.(However you spell it). Also, bravo on the roundhouse-comeback, it made me crack a smile.
It wasn't really a fight scene, they were just weak people l, and Percy why didn't you continue my other story
The girl looked like she was 16, 5'5", with brown hair, and green eyes. "Well, thanks for the save but I best be off." Just then a police car pulled up and two officers stepped out. Each officer took one of us and started asking questions. When I looked over at her, I saw her flash a card and the officer let her go.
Damn android UPDATE CONTINUED ************************* When I finally arrived at school I was 30 minutes late, and since it was finals week we only take 2 classes per day. Today was day two, I finished my test early and went to sleep. Soon after the bell rung and it was time for lunch. In the cafeteria I see my friend Alexander, he's 17, 5'6", and has short black hair like me. He says, "Did you hear about the special transfer student that's coming today?" I look at him with a sleepy face which indicates I just woke up. He laughs and then says, "You're depressing, you know that right?" I shrug my shoulders and the bell rings, so we started heading to Ms. E's class. As soon as class started, I started complaining. "What a drag, who thought of finals anyway?" Just then my teacher walks in with the new girl.
UPDATE ********************* "Good morning class, today a new student will be joining us. I would like you to meet Maddison Triplett. I want Aaron and Alex to show Ms. Triplett around." We introduced ourselves, but then me and the new girl recognized each other and everything got weird. In unison we said, "Its you from this morning! Stop reading my mind you idiot!" Ms.E stopped us before we decided to go any further. "Well it seems you two know each other, and would make a wonderful couple," she laughed. We looked at each other and said, "with her naw," "Not with a kid like him." The whole class started laughing their asses off.
Continued *************** Alex butted in, " Can we start on finals before they kiss?" We took our seats while eyeballing each other, but I could already tell this was going to be a weird relationship thing.
It's sort of interesting, but I don't understand why the height of the person matters. I know you're trying to have detail, but it needs to be expressed in a better way