The Last Samuri

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Percyous, Jul 5, 2012.

  1. The Last Samuri
    By Percyous

    I stood amongst the bodies of the fallen protecting the shogun until the end. As i gazed into the enemie's ranks i heard my shogun ask "You understand that this is suicide right aizen?" I spoke to him withought turning, "If this is my destiny so be it, i will do my duty until the end, just allow me one request." "what is it aizen?" He replied curiously. "take my katana when i have died, take all the blood from it and put that blood in a jar with some of mine. I will outlast my fallen comrades and fight after death." Before he could reply i was halfway down the hill charging the army. Me versus 500 mercenaries. I liked those odds a lot.
     
  2. Should I update/continue?
     
  3. Remember to use paragraphs especially when people are talking
     
  4. I will update soon
     
  5. P.S, each update is meant as a long paragraph
     
  6. As I was surrounded by mercenarys blinded by dust kicked up by our fight i reminded myself, I am here to die. I found i had no problem with that, as i looked back on my life i relized why i was doing this, To take as many of these traitors down as possible. I created them and now i had to destroy them. I was soon covered in blood, but only a fluid ounce of it was mine. Then HE appeared, their leader and the source of my problems, Shinjiko Tamoro. It was time to face my biggest challenge and threat, but i found myself thinking back to the old days......
     
  7. Proofread! Capitalize the I's and some things are spelled wrong
     
  8. Otherwise, an interesting story plot 
     
  9. "Stop Thief!" The gaurd's voice voice rang in my ears as I raced through the streets with a piece of bread in my hands. I was the thief. I felt no shame in knowing that most thought me to be the lowesr type of scum there was. To me it was their fault, they were the true criminals. They took my entire clan from me, my family was dead because of them.
     
  10. "Let go of me!" Was all I could say to the man that had caught me picking his pocket. "Why should I young thief? Where are your parents? I want to give them a piece of mind." "Dead, So is the entire kurisaki clan! So take me to prison, atleast you get three meals a day there." The man looked me in the eyes "So you are the last kurisaki eh?" "Yeah, whats it to you if you're gonna take me to jail?" "Well little Aizen," (how he knew my name was beyond me) " Firstly you may get free food in jail but you would get a free hand removal there, second of all I am Shongo Tamoro, and your father and I were great friends."
     
  11. Paragraphs would be helpful to the readers
     
  12. @web Go backnover comments
     
  13. As I walked behind Mr. Tamoro I wondered how he knew my father. All he told me was that he had a place where I could stay, that was good enough for me. As we turned down a paved path I looked up and saw a huge house, it was so big I already expected myself to get lost inside. When I looked at a doorway I was just intime to see a boy that looked about my age disappear inside the doorway only to peek back out in a few seconds. Mr.Tamoro motioned for me to wait and went to speak with the boy. After a few minutes of talking the boy finally came out of hiding and I got a good a good look at him

    (I am probobly going to update as I wright)
     
  14. He was a thin looking boy, but not a hungry thin, more like a choice thin, he looked like a stick but I relized I was still thinner than him, we were both the same hight and both of our hair were black, his hair however was clean and pulled back in a traditional hair knot, mine constantly hung around my face. Aizen Kurisaki, meet my son, Shinjiko Tamoro.
     
  15. "Master Kurisaki, wake up please" I awoke with the sun in my eyes, I propped myself on my elbows and looked at the servant bending over the bed I had been allowed to sleep in that night. "I'm up I'm up!" I thanked the servant for waking me intime for a prebreakfast bath along with clean clothes. As I put on my shirt after my bath I wondered why Mr.Tamoro helped me, I was hoping to get answers. I sat down at the table and dug in as soon as the others reached for their food. I might not be there for long so I decided to take advantage of it while I could. "I guess you want answers as much as you want food Aizen?" Mr.Tamoro suddenly asked
    "Almost." I replied through my full mouth. "Then you shall have them."
     
  16. Tell me if I should cut back on posting and just post a certain number at a certain paste
     
  17. I like the story
     
  18. Do you mean pace instead of paste?

    And I think you should post whenever you want to, you don't need to update at a set time or anything.
     
  19. Yes, meant pace, sorry, I am using auto edit and it can be a pain sometimes, and I will continue posting like this, Please comment and support this story, Not only does it encourage me but it helps me find my way back to the thread when it is on page 1 or 2, I will continue writing like crazy to get you a few updates a day.
     
  20. "Is that the best you can do young Aizen?" I looked up to see Mr. Tamoro looking at me from the sidelines. "I will not interfere, this is your fight, but you should be able to beat him, use your head as well as your body." I looked around and found a had landed with another sword next to my left hand, I had never heard of a samuri using two katanas at once, it would be absurd to do so. Well, there was always room for a pioneer idiot. I grabed the sword and stood. "Two swords? Haha! You can barely lift one!" Laughed the brute. Then I charged. By seperating my strength to two swords my defence strength was greatly lowered, my only chance was to be quick with my offense and simply dodge. It was worth a shot.