The Final Breath

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by *j1mb0_slice (01), Jul 29, 2011.

  1. Plop...plop...plop...plop a viscous fluid fell 2 the ground in a nearly uniform beat slowly soiling the cold hard floor as it's red fingers reached out snaking along the grooves in the floor as it slowly flowed from the source...
    This plop sound echoed out in all directions in the steel walled chamber.
    Accompanied by the gnawing, chomping, gnashing sounds of the current occupants savoring theyre feast. While in a closet shivering in fear she sat... Trying desperately 2 block to nightmarish sounds out 2 no avail. She wanted 2 run but there was no go in the small closet but out the door and that lead down the road she couldn't take, a road that would lead her back 2 wat remained of her father now being devoured by these heinous creatures. She wanted 2 cry but they would hear her she wanted 2 sleep but fright has persuaded her not 2 for they could come. She wanted 2 wake up 2 find out this was a dream but she couldn't it was real and the danger more real then ever. Then as she contemplated attack again the feasting stopped and the heavy foot steps lead past and away from her and the beings left only the plop of the fluid and the clink of a metal chain swinging in the distance. As Sh moved towards the door a heavy spade in hand a creature returned past out side the closet and paused she felt her heart nearly burst from her chest before the beast stomped back 2 it's meal. After minutes more she heard a loud thud come from outside the door. And the vocalizations of creatures easily smaller then the ones before. On of the beings rattled the door knob and in an adrenaline induced rush she threw the door open and charged the dark creature with the spade.
    (I have most characters already need 2 teachers and misc. Patrol men) if it sounds boring so far  if it sounds good  i have most of it done but for fun i will not post a new piece within 1/2 hour of each other
     
  2. This is amazing
     
  3. Really I wrote it in 7th grade lol
     
  4. I want to read more 
     
  5. Sorry posts only wen 1/2 hour is up and anyways after this it is a little slow
     
  6. Thx Ed I worked hard on it
     
  7. This is soo scary im gonna have nightmares well done :)
     
  8. U already read it! How r u gonna have nightmares from the second reading?
     
  9. Haha good job jimbo, lol I like it 
     
  10. amazing just the kind of story I like reading
     
  11. Thx angel should I post more?
     
  12. Thx rose wat u like about it and should I continue
     
  13. Absolutely phenomenal....

    I really liked the description!

    I'd definitely give it a 
     
  14. Thanks Hexin I'll try 2 keep it exciting but it may feel a little bland in the next few posts