The 5 Kinds of Sex 1. The first kind is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period. You both keep doing it until you're blue in the face. 2. The second kind is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage, you'll have sex anywhere, any time, even in the kitchen. 3. The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom. 4. The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is when you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Fuck You!" 5. There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorcrd and your wife scréws you in front of everyone in the room.