tell me what u think

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by *TERROR-MrsHeartz- (01), Jan 20, 2012.

  1. Life is like a long line up,
    A really weird, unusual, depressing and joyful line up,
    And when you get to the front you get the most wonderful surprise,
    Where no one can hurt you,
    Peace comes at last,
    Death







     it's a paragraph. Tell me what ya think.
     
  2. I think up is unnecessary. It's a good beginning. I don't know if what is being portrayed is what you wanted. Maybe flesh it out some so the ending isn't quite there. Or have it end more abruptly like how death sometimes comes. In the middle of sentence just stop and say death. Idk. Just thoughts
     
  3. La final de mi paciencia y el principio del infierno, el vuelo de las avionetas, de la gente es por cierto.
    Unos rodeaban las calles otros las desalojaban, mi proteccion es primero asi como lo es mi raza.


    ~M
     
  4. ?????? Wha?????? And yea I get what you mean.
     
  5. Cookie u r so mean.
     
  6. @M

    
    Simply beautiful
     
  7. I know my life is a joyful one. Let's write our own joyful stories! And let no one make it depressing. 
     
  8. THANK YOU AMANDA
    Matt, it is but this is the preface. 
     
  9. Pretty weird, no poetic beauty, few random phrases put together promoting death, nah mate! 
     
  10.  thank you for your rude opinion. But it does have beauty, I just haven't wrote the other part down.
     
  11. isn't it supposed to rhyme?
     
  12. There's really no beauty at all, no flow, nothing. Sorry dude but that's how it is
     
  13. I'm a girl, and it's not exactly a poem, Zac darling, it's a preface to a book.  though thanks for your comment.


















    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    I like this poem,
    And so do you 
     
  14. mrs. Heartz i did liked yours but M's was just perfect



    @M for maton: that was amazing:) perfect rhymes with sense in spanish
    

    When someone does something good it's necesary to tell them

    But M's was prefect
     
  15.  ok then. I don't understand Mexican or Spanish. Or what ever. 
     
  16. All you need know is you can't write to save your life
     
  17. ? Ok....








     <---- 






    Roses are red
    Blueberries are blue
    I like them too,
    And you do too 