So I just wanted to say....

But I don't want to say it. So I'm going to say it on a public forum and hope he doesn't see. (Or that he does....whatever.)

I just wanted to say that I am probably head over heels in whatever you wanna call it (I'm gonna call it love.) with this guy. ? His name is James, in case you were wondering, which you probably weren't. You probably didn't even want to read this long ass love thing. But TOUGH! I don't care (actually I do, I just don't want to admit it.)

I don't want to admit a lot of things. I don't like to admit when I'm wrong for one. I especially don't want to admit that there's a good chance that I would do ANYTHING for him, because that is absolutely crazy. You would think that maybe the laws of logic would kick and I'd realize that some things are impossible, but no.  If there's a will, there's a way. Right? Right?! ?

The point is. I love him. And even if I don't love him, I really like him. But I'm pretty sure it's love. Cuz it's just something else and I can't explain it. I can't explain how wonderful it feels. How wonderful he is. I can't even make sense of what I'm feeling. Maybe I need to just calm down and see a therapist. Because it feels like it's all in my head. But then the pain. Pain is real. "Pinch me so I'm know it's real." Well there are fucking pinches. There are fights and things are said that really freaking hurt. Because people aren't perfect. I'm not perfect. Yet somehow this poor human being has chosen to tolerate my everything. And there are some things about me that even I can't handle.  So is it really fair for me to have things about him I want to change?  Feels like a no.

So that brings me here. ? The end of this rant/confession/catharsis. I could definitely take my boyfriend and tweak certain things about him to make him "perfect." But what is perfect? He's perfect (that sounds so sappy). What I mean his, he and all his imperfections that make him who he is are fucking perfect. So without changing anything, he's already everything I want. He's everything "that I never knew I needed" (to quote the fray ). He doesn't need to say anything, or try and be anything, or do anything, because I've already accepted and love everything

So basically I love you , James, and everything that you are, that you include, that you come with. ? (Even if you can't tell some times).

Alice out ️

 

? You guuuuuuys OMG shush.