So. Ive been wanting to write a fiction for a few…… hours now? Yeah. It just hit me and i had to do it. Now. This isnt your usual fanboy/fangirl fanfiction or some fantasy story conveived by my demented mind. This story is well… to sum it up…… a mix of my feelings. Now, im not writing this for reviews, i just had to let this go in some way or another. Though reviews would be nice. Well, here goes nothing. I cannot bring myself to regret the decision to be in the position that i am in right now. Im happy with myself. For once in my life, im happy. A small grin paints my face as the tears stream down my ever so red cheeks. Silent tears. Those are the worst. To cry and whimper desperately to yourself, wanting and craving someone to be there to help you, to guide you, to fix what has been broken, but too afriad of what people will think. Alone on the bathroom floor with the water running so my elder brother wont hear my sheepish whiper and cries in agony. The blood from my open wound drips to the floor. I look up to the ceiling, my mind clouded, not with fear, but with sorrow. Im not afraid to die, im not afraid, i tell myself. I look back to the blade i hold in my right and and cut again, deeper and deeper into my wrist. The searing burn from the blade prominant, it sends chills through my body. More blood. More tears. Im still crying, not because im sad, but instead for my release. The blade slips out of my grasp. And drops to the floor with a quiet thud. I sum up one last ounce of strength and, using the bath tub as support, raise myself to look into the cabinet mirror. I look into my soulless black eyes, like staring into an eternal darkness. Empty. Vacant. A void which desperately needed to be filled. My vision starts to become blurry. My knees weak, unstable, shaken. I drop to the floor, my tears have stopped, i shiver at the feel of the ice cold ground and become numb from head to toe. Its finally over........ five days earlier... Summer Jones had woken up to the blinding light of day. He threw a pillow over his head in a desperate attempt to catch up on some well deserved sleep but his busy schedule got the better of him and he forced himself out of bed. He rubbed his eyes and look around his clustered room to find some clothes to wear to school on this cloudy tuesday. After grabbing his favourite baseball jersey, black jeans with a tattered style and red sneakers he headed over to the bathroom to freshen up. After getting dressed he headed downstairs toward to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Ask he entered he noticed a sticky note on the fridge, it read "morning summer. 50 dollars on the sofa. Left over pizza in the fridge. Working a late shift today. See ya later. After chomping down on a few slices of pizza and a glass of orange juice he was out the door and ran off to school.
Not a bad start. I would suggest adding more paragraphs and double spacing them to make it easier to read. Also, there are some spelling/capitalization errors ('I' should always be capitalized as well as 'Summer' when you're using it as a name) and it's a tad confusing (when it skipped to five days earlier it switched the point of view and tense so I didn't know if Summer was talking in the first part). But it's an intriguing start and I'm interested to see where it goes.
I like it...great descriptive factors, as well as the errors Fallen pointed out >_< but it's a great start