I'm sorry if I took this idea from someone else but I be been working on this for about 3 days so.. Sorry! Chapter One- Dakota "Daddy hurry," I, in my childish young voice shrieked at my father, "We're gonna be la-ate! My father glanced back at me through the rear view mirror, "Hold on Kota we're almost there!" As we approached the green light, my father was gradually driving past it when a Ford Contour smashed into the right side of our Honda Civic. Glass shattered all over both of my parents, and all over my favorite dress. I shrieked in fear as we came to a stop on the opposite side of the road. Luckily, I wasn't hurt, I unbuckled and carefully crawled to the front of the car. I nudged my glass covered father, "Daddy?" No answer, same from my mother. They were dead, I stared at my lifeless parents in horror. I jumped out of my car opposite the other vehicle. I sprinted effortlessly away from the scene before anything happened or anyone noticed me. I would have to live on my own now.. Hope you enjoy!!!!!
It just seems to go by....very fast. I know it's a flashback, but it's literally 2 paragraphs long, not even. You need more elaboration. And expand your vocabulary. I like to read things I understand, not something that I have to strain myself to find out the surroundings, even what the characters look like. There's no description of the characters, only what they're wearing. And I know what you're going to say, "I'm new, I'm just starting, give me a break." You need to hear this now.
No actually I wanted to thank you for that.. That will probably help me a lot. I'll put up picture of this chapter. She looks like this Her eyes are a radiant green and her hair is licious pink.. Not brown
So her eyes are green and her hair is pink.... And the girl in the picture has brown eyes and brown hair?