Reunited Love

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Midnight-Queen2, May 10, 2014.

  1. "i hate my life " is what i was thinking while i was walking in the cold rain. Hey my name is Ally Finkle age 15 height 5 ft 2 inches. I was buying some dvds from a srore when it suddenly became dark and windy and started to rain. Sure it was cold and wet with only a jacket and shorts, but at that moment i had more pressing matters on my mind. I'm single but that's the thing my boyfriend Jack and i had been going out for a year when suddenly we broke up and went separate ways. Sure i was sad and lonely and heartbroken but u know what , I'm ok besides im not Ally Finkles for nothing. I'm sort of a prodigy kid u know good grades "talk to me and ur dead" attitude awesome figure blah blah blah alk that stuff. While i was thinking about all this stuff, i heard a scuffling and stopped to turn around , right now i was in no mood to deal with stalkers right now but before i could turn around someone pushed me against the wall. As i looked at the guy he was actually pretty cute , raven black hair lightning blue eyes and handsome features. I caught my breath and realized what position i was in , a guy slammed me against the wall, looking into my eyes on a rainy day. Welk thanks fir readung tell me what u think and tell me what i ciuld change
     
  2. Please don't spam forums. One of this story is enough. But keep going. I'd suggest proofreading for spelling/grammar/punctuation/capitalization.
     
  3. Thx for info here's the next update. , As i was saying ,he had me cornered against the wall. He was breathing hard ,he smelled like ginger, and he was gazing at me. His finger traced my shirt to where my brrast were, slowly climbing to my neck, then to my chin. His face slowly closed in ,then he kissed me . It was first a soft,gentle kiss but soon became rough and passionate, his tongue slipped into my mouth ,tangling with my tongue. He then grabbed my butt and positioned me so that my legs were wrapped around his waist. He then stopped, leaving me warm and fuzzy, and grinned at me slyly and said, "Did you like that?" That statement brought me back to reality, a totally hot stranger,about my age like 17, kissed me.Most girls would have been thrilled, but i was just terrified. Befire i could ask who he was,he
     
  4. Exciting. Update pls
     
  5. When i got home,ignored my mom's "welcome home" and slammed my door shut. I laid on my bed ,thinking about what happened near the store ,my fingers tracing my lips. ( Who was that guy? ) I thought to myself. ( And why did he kiss me? ) I ended up thinking about that incident all night long until I finally drifted to sleep. I woke up with a headache,"Uh, why does today have to be the day I go into a new school ?" I groaned. " Ally! Hurry up! We're going to be late!" Shut up Nathan!" I hollered. Nathan is my older and annoying brither. Nathan has dark brown hair ,with playful and mischievous brown eyes ,the total opposite of the straight black-haired and mysterious and black-eyed me.Most people always forget that we are twins because we look so different. Nathan is the captain of the baseball
     
  6. Plz update
    And wall me when updated k?
     
  7. Post more LOVE IT.
     
  8. Nathan was the captain of the baseball team, while I'm was the captain of the softball team. We're very different, i don't need people telling me that more than twice. Our mom is already waiting at the car, with a very annoyed look on her face. "Nathan! Ally! Hurry up and let's go to your school already!" Have i mentioned my mom does NOT like waking up in the morning.
     
  9. "We're coming, Mom!" I shouted. I got my brother and we got inside the car and drove away. " Do you think you'll be alright at your new school, Ally?" My mom asked. "Don't know, don't care," I shrugged. "Hey, come on Ally. If ypu keep on acting like that you'll chase everyone away!" Nathan laughed. Have I mentioned Nathan is like tha biggest full-born idiot in the world? "I dont need advice from a poser like you," I remarked. Before Nathan could retort back, we were already at my new school. "Have fun kids!"our mom called. Once our mom drove off, Nathan was ALREADY surrounded y people, yelling something like,"Could you let me get through please?" (Wow, he's already got them wrapped around his finger.) I turned towards the school, took a deep breath ,and started to go inside when
     
  10. Not too shabby
     
  11. I think you need to use spellcheck and proofread your stories. You should probably start a new line when conversations are going on.
     
  12. When I was suddenly shoved against the lockers. "Hey! Watch where you're going bitch!"shouted someone. When I looked up, I saw a blonde glaring down at me with disapproving eyes. "Well, sorry for almost messing up your hair ,princess," I said , doing a bow. The blonde smirked and gestured to the girl standing behind her ,who brought out a notepad. "Sally, add this girl to the Very Bottom of the popularity chain ,and make sure she never rises," she ordered. By this time a huge crowd of people was gathering ,wondering what was going on. (Well, I am NOT backing down from this bitch.) "Who do you think you are," I retorted. " Do you seriously not know who I am ,I thought even commoners like you would know about my dad's company , I'm Melanie Hawk ,my dad runs the Hawk Foundation." she smirked.
     
  13. Wall me when updated plez
     
  14. This story is a little cliche and kinda badly written. Maybe you should take some of the writing suggestions others have given. Others enjoy the plot but it's just one big thing of words without proper punctuation and sentence structure.
     
  15. Then a guy stepped in front of me ,protecting me from the stupid blonde."Come on Melanie ,can't u give the new girl a proper welcome instead of bullying her on the first day." "Shut up Daniel ,this is none of your business ,"Melanie said. I looked up to see ... the same guy who kissed me yesterday! I got up quickly and glared at him. "You! " I exclaimed. He turned around and gave me a crooked grin. "Oh ,you're that girl from yesterday. I was hoping to see you again sometime ,but I never thought I would see this soon ,"he grinned. I was so shocked I was just standin there with my mouth hanging wide open. Thx for reading wall me how i could make it better or just put it on here.
     
  16. Wall me when updated
     
  17. But make longer updates
     
  18. Speech between people should be separated

    Example:
    "Omg!" I exclaimed. "What's your problem, freak."

    Should be;
    "Omg!" I exclaimed.
    "What's your problem,
     
  19. *should be:

    "Omg!" I exclaimed.
    "What's your problem? Freak."

    Also separate it into paragraphs as it's literally just a block of writing. Plus if you add author's notes, do it in a separate paragraph to your story update