Yeah you were beautiful, So I was pretty skeptical. I swear I feel so dead, And all I can see is red. I can't get you out my head. You used to give me bomb head. I can't even get ahead, Because you left me behind. Why can't I get you off my mind? I've been exploding with anger. I'm barely hanging on like cliff hanger. You were closer than a best friend, Now you're just a distant stranger. My mindset is now in a lot of danger. Your government won't be named, Cause I'm feeling so ashamed. Whenever arguments occur, I'm always the one who's blamed. Females can't always be right, Cause I'm left being the bigger person. You lied about being a virgin, Which only left us both hurtin. Being together didn't feel right, But the lust never felt wrong. I look in your eyes say hold on, Cause Imma give it to you strong, Even when I'm not feeling strong. You can play your favorite songs, Just cause I'm long and last long. I can't feel a thing but I love it. Yeah you were beautiful, So I was pretty skeptical. I swear I feel so dead, And all I can see is red. I can't get you out my head. You used to give me bomb head. I can't even get ahead, Because you left me behind. Why can't I get you off my mind?
Personal lyrical preference really. I'm really not a fan of the repetition in the other one; although I see that it gives the feel of it being more a song than poem, it affects how I personally like it. I like the flow of this one better. Also, this one is a little more suggestive and relies more on emotion than events and details, as such, I find that its more relatable. I do think the last three sentences on the second paragraph could be reworked. They don't flow quite right, and as they stand I don't find they add any value to the piece overall. It would be just as good without them at all.