Poor attempt or not bad for first try?

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by *LJP19 (01), Jun 5, 2011.

  1. Im new too the forums by the way, but here's my first attempt at writing a poem, what do you think?
    Poor attempt? Not bad for a first try? Give up? I'm sure I'll get negative feedback but just thought I'd share



    Here at the start, it all seems well
    But is Slowly drifting all downhill
    You may not see it, nor ever will
    But I saw it coming, yet it's no big deal

    Your not there? Can't say I'm surprised
    You think all I'm sprouting are nasty lies
    I'm going under, and so are you
    I'm taking you with me, which you never knew

    She says I'm fine and thinks I'm well
    But she knows a secret that she'll never tell
    I'm getting worse, becoming more unstable
    She isn't aware that I've tried the thin cable

    Has she still not noticed? Of course not
    Didn't think it took that long to join the dot
    Were you stalling or just couldn't care less
    It looks like my parents will be cleaning up the mess

    'It's just last resort, don't be so serious'
    As you told me when I got too curious
    It's inevitable really, gonna happen one day
    All a shame really as I have so much too say

    Im here at the end, do you see why I wrote this?
    I'd give this all up for one daft kiss
    You still missed me, you couldn't quite see
    I'm six feet under, while your watching glee

    Thank you for reading