I usually am "happy" or thats what people think. It's an act... It's always an act. But how did he know I was depressed! I mean people who see me even think I'm happy. He has a connection with me. He always knows how I feel and that creeps me out. It's a one way connection though. I have no clue how he feels! And that is like a punch in the stomach. If he is feeling depressed when I think he is happy and I say something about suicide he starts talking about killing himself. Now I'm not a normal child for my age. I'm just twelve and have already fallen in love, got a broken heart, cut myself, and was inches away from killing myself. I can never keep a happy conversation or keep a real smile on my face for longer than a minute. I'm 12 and am already depressed and suicidal. Only two people know this because I care about them and they care about me. The person that has the connection with me and my best friend. I've been asked on several occasions if I am emo and I always say no. I never planned on being the way I am. I was always sweet peppy and energetic. I did ballet, gymnastics, and girl scouts. I was also in the church chorus and was an alter server. You think a girl like that would grow up to be depressed and suicidal?! Cause I sure as hell wouldn't! Well at least Im not emo. Oh and I also went to a private Roman Catholic school for Elementary. I always thought I would grow up and be the same as I was as a child, happy. One day it pissed me off. My own brother that is older than and I look up to him said to me, "I swear you are emo or goth or something!" I just said I wasn't either and walked away mad. A month or two afterwards I actually did cut myself. For the second time ever. But I'm not emo. And I walked across the house while my wrist was becoming covered with blood. Nobody noticed. I didn't care though. Nobody needed to notice. Last thing I wouldn't need is for my family to see. I've been about to kill myself twice in one week. They had no clue. Until the next week. Because that week I killed myself... And this right here is the note I left.