Chapter 1 Golla, the manager of the Dynamo Diner, fired Vada Valens for messing up the orders of the costumers and also accidentally spilled chicken soup on a lady. Vada was crying and stomping out, the bells ringing while she slammed the door. The costumers were looking at her, gaping, but when the manager looked at them, they went back to talking and eating their food. That's when Golla turned to me and wanted to hire me. "Do you want to work here?" I was a babysitter at that time and it meant that I had to follow the kids' or kid's orders, since they were going to tell their parents that I didn't look after them. I didn't like the job. I nodded. "Yes, I want to work here." "Are you going to give up on me?" That day, I was working as a waitress, listening to the costumers say, "Waiter!" I liked my work and I didn't want to be fired, so I did what my manager said. It was my first waitressing job ever and I got paid five dollars almost everyday. I was fifteen and girls usually spend money, but I was not that kind of girl. Now it was time for me to leave the diner. "Ready to go home?" My aunt Malai asked me. We were in front of Dynamo Diner, my aunt in her car, and I'm standing on the sidewalk. I went in and she started the car to Brookstone Way. ......... That's all I'm writing for now. I'll describe the house later on. Sorry if I have mistakes or it doesn't make sense. Also, give criticism, please.
5 dollars a day is really bad!! Usually in diners and places, it's something like 5$ an hour. Even if she's fifteen, a part-time job should pay a little more... Also, you have a lot of run-on sentences in that first paragraph. " The costumers were looking at her, gaping, but when the manager looked at them, they went back to talking and eating their food." It should be something like " The costumers were gaping at her. When the manager looked at them, they went back to talking and eating their food." Try to make sentences short and sweet..