new school

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by *cieramist (01), Apr 26, 2011.

  1. My alarm screaming at me I shut it off with out hesitation and realize today is the day I have been dreading for weeks... A new school. My mom rushes into the room and belts out " time to get up!!" I groan as I get up to brush me hair and get dressed. As I walk down stares to grab my back pack I smell the sweet sugary smell of syrup and quickly go down stair to eat pancakes. As we drive up to the school I see all the kids rushing to there classes and I realize I'm late on my first day of school I rish trying to find room 7b. I finally find it minster later. As I walk into the room my eye catches a very cute guy in the corner staring at me blankly I sit in my sit and every one whisper softly...
     
  2. More! Can I be in please?
     
  3. Lol cool, same as Josh ^ can I be in itt๎„
     
  4. Can I be the cute guy? ๎
     
  5. Lol Josh, if u develop a BFF can I be her???
     
  6. I would be honored LOL...
     
  7. Let me just point out some errors.

    My alarm IS screaming at me SO I shut it off

    I brush MY hair. Unless you're going pirate.

    My mom rushes into the room and belts out, "Time to get up!"........

    Downstairs is one word.

    Backpack is one word.

    Their*
    rush*
    minutes*
    Seat*

    Everyone is one word.
    And since you're talking in present tense it would be everyone whispers softly.

    Otherwise, good story! Can I get a role?
     
  8. Damn u I was going to point those out.









    Can I be in it

























    Guess what.

















    No
















    ๎”ง
     
  9. Lol. Other than those mistakes, good job so far dear. ๎– keep it up.
     
  10. Great! A couple of mistakes, but the story plot should make up for that... I hope