Hi, my name is Phillip. A little about me, I'm Asian, 6"3, 130lbs, 19. Before you guys say, "This isn't the place for this stuff" Forums has some of the realist people here. "Warning attention seeker" Technically, whenever you make a thread, you're still seeking the attention, and you got it. I'll say, I have bi polar depression and anger. I hate people, I can't stand them, just yesterday, a "friend" asked me how much people I'd call friends in this city, I said 2. I cannot stand happiness, I can't stand love. It's because of trust issues. I've passed my suicide stage, I realized I've got no reason to live.. Yet I have no reason to die. I'm just a lone soul.. Roaming the earth till I find a purpose. But recently I've been thinking about turning to suicide or crime.. I've applied to so much jobs.. But I can't find any and I'm about to give up. Some of my friends who've been around know that I left PIMD to go serve.. But I came back as a failure.. Messed up.. That lead to the downfall in my life, I've lost motivation... I've given up looking for a girl as well.. I figured I'll just remain single. This one girl I loved so much.. She stopped feeling the same way for me.. This was senior year, 2 years ago. She was the only girl that's ever made me feel alive.. Human.. Girls these days only want big musclely.. Good lookin guys with wads of cash. I hide behind this mask full of pain and hate. Behind my music.. Behind the games I play. I've hardened up over these past experiences. I rarely ask for help.. But now I'm coming to the community for help. Please don't sugarcoat it, I want the cold truth. I've lost my train of thought..
Your to young to be trying to invest all ur emotions in one girl. Your eyes just begun to open to the realities of life,,starve hard for today to benefit for tomorrow .Each day u live is experience for the next day. And u can only be loyal to yourself. R.E.A.L....remember everybody ain't loyal.
Hey, keep trying . No matter how hard life is, don't turn to crimes or ending your life, there'll always be someone there for you. There are ups and downs in all of our lives, and I'm sure that a few of us has felt the same way that you have before. It might take a while to find the right job, but hey, you're only 19. There's plenty of time for you to keep looking for a job. Maybe you got rejected a few times, just keep trying . I'm sure that everything will turn out fine. And not all girls want a guy with huge muscles or stacks of cash, you just have to find the right one. Again, you're only 19, there's plenty of time to go looking for the right girl. Move on from the past and carrying on living your life I'm sure that you'll find your special one one day
I've applied to over 40 jobs.. 5 interviews.. And no call backs.. I feel like I'm doing something wrong.. But true, life should be enjoyed.. I just can't find something about it that I'd actually live for.
Omg.. Everything i wrote got lost cause i accidentally hit cancel trying to wipe something off my screen. Follow me if you want and i can give you some advice when i get home. Hang in there
Phillibean D: It might not seem like it now, but there is always a reason to live. Think of the impact you have on your family , and your friends , however few they may be. You shouldnt give up because things haven't worked out for you in life the way you want them to. My life isnt the way I want it to be, but I still have a long ways to go to make it the way I want it. "No one ever said life would be easy." You have your whole lifetime to try and find the perfect girl, you don't need to worry about falling in love so soon. That comes with time. Just because it didnt work out with one girl doesnt mean it wont work out with a different one. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Just remember, you wouldn't know happiness if you didn't know pain.
Hi Phil. You are 19 years old. I'm 24 now and I've seen my friends quit uni, I've seen some of them go 2/3 years without jobs and a lot more failed interviews than you. Some of them have never had girlfriends, I've seen one trying to cope with losing his brother through suicide. I've had the pleasure in experiencing a long distance relationship where we had 2 rejected visas and we've struggled for 3 years to be together. Life is sometimes wank but you make the most of it. At 19 you can afford to be a little selfish. Do stuff that you like doing. Go out clubbing, sporting events etc.. Spend time with your family.
Nickie, my "parents" don't accept me no more, especially the "mom". They don't respect me nor do they see me as a son. To her, this was outta her own mouth "Phillip, you're a goddamn failure and a loser, you're never gonna have a better future anymore, don't bother calling me mom anymore"
I'm also asian have semi-strict parents. For me, my advice is to actually stand up to your mom. Even if she calls you a failure, let that be your motivation in actually turning your life around and proving her wrong. Try to step out of the circle you're in and take everything in. It may be a bit too overwhelming or dramatic but carry your pride and hold your head up high because it won't be as bad for long if you boost up your self esteem. Try making new friends or if you're not comfortable in that, let the new people become your friend. It may be hard to trust them at first but that's how it has always been like. It's just a matter of time. Hope this helped you a bit! I hope you get better!
My wife is Asian by the way so I can see how your relationship with your parents may cause you a lot of hassle. I have seen how strict they can be and 'respect' for your elders appears to be a big culture thing, especially in Indonesia where she's from and I imagine it's the same for you. You need to choose what's right for you, your parents are there for support and guidance but ultimately it's your life and you can't make everyone happy. You should always try and fix things with your mum though, she's the only one you've got and I bet she didn't mean those things she said, I'm guessing it was out of anger.
Phillip, you know that your life is similar to mine. Especially the parents part. Maybe you don't. But, all I know is, if you can't rely on your family, then you can rely on your friends. Like me. I am your friend and I would do anything to help you through your troubles. I know what's it like to go through depression. Hell, I still have depression. But I have my friends, like you, to keep me happy. Like you, I went through a suicide phase, but I'm still alive. And I'm here to keep you alive too. I fight for my friends. I wouldn't be here if I didn't have any friends. What you need to do is stay strong and find something worth fighting for. It doesn't matter what as long as it's really important to you. Think about this, bro.
I'm a girl. I'm afraid of guys with big muscles. I'm not after guys with lots of cash. So don't speak in general. The problem may not be you But that girl...
Aw Phillip. I know things feel tough right now, being in the age group we are, I think it's natural to feel stuff like this. It's the point in life when we don't know what we're doing exactly, we might not know exactly who we are yet, we're unsure of ourselves, and it's easy to get lost and discouraged. It's not easy, and it may not ever be.. You just have to realize that there are are beautiful things about it. There's still so much to see, and do, everything comes in time, things are only bad for so long and then they have a way of making themselves better. The best thing I've learned to do is talk to people I care about, when I'm feeling down. I know you said that you don't have many friends, but that doesn't matter, if you even have just one, it can make all the difference venting to them, (just saying I would be more then happy to be that person btw.) You are a fantastic individual. I have never had the pleasure of meeting such a funny, sweet, caring person, and I am always here for you as I'm sure many people are.. There's always people who care.
Wow Wyatt.. You have no idea how much that means to me..I'm just lost.. By how much a friend like you cares.. Like damn...
Sammi As a person of my "age group", you're such a smarticle, even though we rarely talk, there's something about you that makes me smile
Phillip, I do not know the exact cause or reasoning for your trust issues but I have them as well sometimes. Personally, mine stem from an abusive ex bf I have had the hardest time overcoming and moving on from. As for depression, I can relate to that to and I am more then open and willing to talk to you at any time if you want to add me. I remember when I first lost the guy who caused me so much pain(I'm not saying your girl was abusive just trying to show you how I can relate) how lost and hurt I was even though he wasn't good for me. It takes time to heal and get over people, especially if they are the first 'love' of your life. If I could tell you one thing it would be to find that one person, or a small group of people, who you can connect with and are a positive impact on your life and stick as close to them as you can for now. They don't even have to be people you would originally or immediately consider friends, just people you think have a positive impact and bring out the good in you. Hope I helped! Feel free to message me if you need anything.
life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's the truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. People will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. As for girlfriends, well, they'll come and go too. And I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soulmate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about. You're 19. the best is yet to come. As it relates to the statement your mom made, prove her wrong. Show her that Phillip isn't a failure. Use that negative energy as positive reinforcement. I wish you the best. I'm sure you'll get through this. just have faith and patience.
u only 19 ...ur problem is u need to learn to.be patient...and at ur age u haven't experienced love yet. son that was lust that was probably ur first gf. right