It had been too long and too hard of an escape. He had fallen, and he would knew he'd never be able to get back up. He'd be forever cast out of society forever. When it happened, he didn't know what to do. His eyes glazed over as he stared at the bloody body beneath his hazy gaze. So many stab wounds, so much blood. Too much blood, in fact. It made his chest rise and fall in a harsh, uneven rhythm. It made his fingers twitch, feeling the once warm liquid cool in the night air. It took him an hour after it happened to be able to leave. When he left, he was stumbling in the dark of night, hands bloody and clothes soaked in it. His feet scraped along the surface of the pavement, heading towards a place where he may think clearly. He pulled out his keys to his car, arm draped over the top of the door. His body felt weak, and simply entering the black vehicle was hard enough of a task. He glanced at his eyes through the mirror in his car once inside, dismissing their hollowness as simply shadows reflected the wrong way. His fingers clutched the steering wheel as he drove away. The nightscapes couldn't soothe him, the moonlight and city lights merging into pools of shimmering light. It was beautiful, as he watched the twinkle of oncoming headlights from cars and the shadows cast by people walking on the sidewalks. Yet his heart still beat too fast, his fingers still tensed. Somewhere in the back of his mind he noted that he was still covered in blood. He needed to think straight. As he glanced around to note his options, he decided music would help. It always did. Perhaps it reminded him of work, but that was a reality he wanted to sink into at the moment. He listened to a few words from the announcer about traffic and weather before music flooded the inside of the car. It all happened to be merged in his head. The metallic smell of blood reached him as the guitar strummed on the song. When the smooth voice sung, he felt his heart break open, leaking out tears. Guilt, denial, self hate, he couldn't stop it. When he bit down on his lower lip with a silent sob, he heard the chorus lines. It seemed to sink into his mind, somehow pounding into his already cracked heart. "How we longed for Heaven~ We're letting go of something we never had~ Time goes so fast, Heaven is lost~" He wasn't sure if it was the lyrics, or the voice which he now recognized. He closed his eyes briefly at the red lights, pretending those words were sung just for him. As he wiped away the tears which looked to have spilled over, he left a streak of red below his eyes. Where would he go? What would he say? What should he do? None of these questions could be answered. Not now, at least. The same vision of that victim's blank stare filled his mind, he could feel the way motion laid in his arms as he had moved the knife in and out of the flesh. The sound it made as the metal fell through the wet meat on the body, the screams which had made his ears raw. And when it was all silent, the feeling that he had lost his sanity. And most importantly, that he lost himself. He began to fear that he would never find himself out of this storm of emotions. And he hated how it made him feel. It wasn't supposed to feel like that. It simply, wasn't... And the tears which stood by that reason covered his shaking hands in yet another liquid, washing the red away.