Louder grows the music No one will hear my cries They won't see the bruises All of them are deep inside You say you don't want a diamond You don't want to hear my lines You only want me silenced You just want to take my time. Well that's the most valuable thing I have... Because I know I can't... have.... you. And I really want to stay away But there's no where to... run... to. You really hurt me today I swear I can barely walk... The more I try to hide the limp The more questions they ask me. Are you ok? Are you alright?.... Do you want to spend the night? You shouldn't be alone. I can tell something's really wrong... But that's how we happened... This time I'm really in a lot of pain.... Mentally strained... Keeping up this lie is really hard to maintain... a lot of weight On my frame. One day I'll be strong enough to save myself... Defend myself against your abuse.... I'll won't hope that someone will help.... I'll be strong enough to tell the truth. They'll probably take you away. Lock you up and throw away the key. They'll hide me somewhere you won't ever find me. Then I'll go to a club... Get a drink probably still taste the blood... But I won't be afraid of love. And she'll say... Are you ok? Are you alright? Do you want to spend the night...? You don't have to be alone... You don't have to go through this on your own. I hope that it was fun for you.... All your sick twisted games. I hope that you burn hell for it.... And feel every single flame. You took years of my life away... I hope you know that. So when you feel the hate I've stored up... Just know you're owed that. You hide me underneath your stairs. Pretend that I'm not there... Trap me so I can't leave Choke me so I can't breathe I can tell you're getting closer... And I don't know how to feel But you're truly a monster... And that's how I know they're real.
No, I just went out and got drunk and wrote it as I was becoming sober again... I write what I am thinking when I am in my feelings so I don't forget the emotion... Then, I write music to it... And thank you. I post here sometimes because it's easy and detached from my real life enough to be completely honest and honest with myself in front of others like an open diary. I sometimes hope it helps others who feel the same way but can't tell anyone.
(Part 2) A friend said... Man I saw your girl today. I said nawww man She was yesterday. He said yeah? Damn dog Aye you doin aight? I said where's the party? You know imma be there right? Fresh dressed... diamonds... expensive cologne. I might be alone right now... That won't last long. Deleted all our pictures plus our last text. Threw away all ya gifts washed the sheets next. Took a couple shots toast to new beginnings. Even though I lost you.. Still feel like I'm winning. Car pulled up... They know what I'm about. Bottle service VIP showing out. She sees my watch and shoes Knows I'm bout business Conversations for a few Listing our interests. Her girls try to block But she intrigued Club bout to close Could get interesting. She say we should really keep this party goin... She don't want to go home Cuz her roommate boring I say so what's up Wanna hit my place? She ain't want to say yes but look on her face... I tried to leave the club Though I wanted more Before I could get out She ran up... blocked the door So we at the spot Had a bit much It was gettin hot Felt a bit rushed I started thinking bout you And before I knew it Woke up next to her Feelings confusin What the hell happened? Why were you so mad? Why'd you have to leave me? We're we that bad? Fo I finished that thought She was all on me And I let her have it all Because I was lonely Time for her to go We exchanged numbers Breakfast coffee real quick To ease the hangover We were bout To say goodbye Maybe we should do this again Then you showed up Used your key to let yourself in Flowers in your hand.... With a teddy bear Fell to the floor Wished I wasn't there Tears fell from your eyes And I tried to chase you She just standing there Like Yo! Wait! Who???!!!! Now I'm caught in the middle... Both of ya'll are gone Starin at my contacts can't call Either one. My homeboy hit me up Like you goin out tonight I'm like hell yeah Can't have bad luck twice So I hit the club Flyer than yesterday Then I saw you two Talking bout yesterday You both got drinks And I can hear the laughter You look over at me It's a disaster I'm tryna leave... my boi Saying don't be a punk You actin phased Just givin them what they want Before I know it ya'll On the dance flo Making out Giving the whole club a show So I just do What any straight man would do Tryna make a move Leave wit not 1 but 2 You look me deeply In my eyes Then you both pour your drinks on me caught by surprise The whole club clownin Had to leave in shame You think it's fun and games You don't know my pain... Now I'm sitting here Alone on my phone Writing stupid love poems All up in the forums I hit up your line You not answering I want to hear your voice I want a chance again
And her new boyfriend is so clever over heard a couple of her friends tellin' her he better than me And despite all the spite that builds with each passing night I can't help but think they right because he never did cheat (never did cheat, true) And there is no excuse I can use and there are no words I could say to make you believe that I did this for us Now I'm back on the mission tryna get what's mine I gotta have her but this nigga here's in my way What he don't know from a 1 to 10 that girls a dime No disrespect but when I met her dawg she was a foe I taught her everything she know.
(Part 3) weeks later.... You should have blocked my number Guess I beat you I dismissed you first I hate you so much right now You said you'd never give me this much hurt It's better this way I know it I'm sick of being your punching bag I thought that we could last forever Now my best friend is this empty glass Forget you and all the games you play I see your friends posts and I'm appalled. I was easy for you to throw away So all our chatting apps I've uninstalled. Separated from the world I'm connected with my soul Finally letting go Feel like I've regained control Before you dial my phone When you feel like you're alone And you realize I'm the one who really understands... Just... don't... Let me be... Let me breathe. You've done enough damage for two lifetimes. I'm looking at this picture frame and all that's on my mind... Is you'll never find another love Like... Mine. So now you're calling from somewhere else. Trust me my voice mail has more to say. All I can see is this dancer on the stage. And she looks better anyway. Your girl all on my snap chat. She tries to play it like she hasn't heard. I try to play it like it doesn't hurt. I try to forget but it doesn't work. Last call so I'm headed out. Driving home detour a different route. I'm somewhere that I shouldn't be. At this hotel with "Destiny". Separated from the world I'm connected with my soul Finally letting go Feel like I've regained control Before you dial my phone When you feel like you're alone And you realize I'm the one who really understands... Just... don't... Your last text said I'm always blaming you All caps saying I made you feel bad So you ignored me all day You used to say you'd love me always I've gotta be at the job soon so I left a tip Next to the tattoo on her arm, I left a kiss Feeling invincible I took a risk Phone ringing while I'm trying to call in sick and I know this is just you again... So this time won't even check the message... .... Your girl trippin blowin up my snap chat. ... She asking me if I knew you're pregnant. Damn....