Tell me lies, tell me sweet lies. Wipe the tears from my eyes. Tell me that you still love me. Oh, baby, tell me you miss me. Oh, baby, please don't diss me. Tell me lies, tell me sweet lies. Wipe the tears from my eyes. (Her verse) How the hell could you cheat? I thought you were different. Making my heart miss a beat, And I'm sitting here pregnant. You played me for my sister, On camera I saw you kiss her. And all my friends too, mister. Why did y'all play naked twister? I swear that you're all I wanted. I'm sitting here feeling shunned. Cupid, my heart was gunned. The shock left me so stunned. I even met your damn mama. I swear I might have trauma. I miss riding in your Honda. For the pain I need marijuana. I swear boys are all the same. Telling sweet lies is your game. I wanted to have your last name. Now I'm feeling this wicked pain. Tell me lies, tell me sweet lies. Wipe the tears from my eyes. Tell me that you still love me. Oh, baby, tell me you miss me. Oh, baby, please don't diss me. Tell me lies, tell me sweet lies. Wipe the tears from my eyes. (His verse) Why the fúck did you cheat? My energy bout to deplete. I swear that talk is cheap, So I should've kept the receipt. Save the routine sob story. Trying to find your loyalty, Is like me trying to find Dory. That means it doesn't exist. I can't believe you lied to me. I can't believe you cried to me. You slept with my only cousin, Topped off guys by the dozen. I introduced you to my mama. My heart shocked with trauma. You even crashed my Honda. You need help not marijuana. I swear girls are all the same. Telling sweet lies is your game. Wanted to give you my last name. Now I'm feeling this wicked pain. Tell me lies, tell me sweet lies. Wipe the tears from my eyes. Tell me that you still love me. Oh, baby, tell me you miss me. Oh, baby, please don't diss me. Tell me lies, tell me sweet lies. Wipe the tears from my eyes. (Her thoughts) After it's said and done, I just want to have fun. I was taught to trust none, Now I'm the one being shun. (His thoughts) I'm sitting here all alone, Cause you wanna play pretend. Girl, don't call my phone, All things must come to an end.
I see you on the concept and switching points of view... (preparing us before hand on the pov switch and not doing it so often as before)... Good move. Work on the execution though... It should pull us into that debate and the intensity of the feelings in that room during the argument. We shouldn’t be watching from a distance... we should be right there in between the two of them ducking for cover watching the drama with some popcorn... It usually only takes one or two lines. Examples: (Every night facing away from each other... Wondering how we’ve stayed so close... Only saying half of what I’m thinking... ....wouldn’t hear the other half anyway Turning the cheek when you kiss me... Not sure where your lips have been... Eye contact that sent sparks down my spine Focused on who I’m texting with...) I don’t even need say anything about feelings or trust here because it’s implied. It’s almost like mind reading but not quite... if my reader cares enough to pay attention to the words... they will hear the words I don’t say as well. Lead us to where you want to go and make a decision on what type of feeling you want to leave us with... Should we wonder exactly what happened to each of your characters at the end? Or should you be so final in your last statement? How many assumptions do you want to leave us with about the fate of each character you introduce? Should your puns/metaphors/similes homonyms and homophones... extensive use of vocabulary/slang distract us from the story you are trying to tell or should they be more subtle? Only you can make that decision but if you keep a few of these questions in mind you will get better. Keep it up!