It is So Far Away

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by -Amicus-, Jul 28, 2018.

  1. That it looks close in nocturnal scenes.
    Those they soar at 30 thousand feet
    Seems that I
    Could have them in my reach
    Yet it pales
    In the beams.
    Luminance shining bold
    From a place revenant
     
    #1 -Amicus-, Jul 28, 2018
  2. Good, could use some work but not bad. 7.5/10
     
    #2 Trent, Jul 28, 2018
  3. Agreed.

    OP ー try playing around with punctuation to help give that sort of... poetic pause, if you will. Also, some of the wording is a bit awkward, even with the sort of imaginative style you have, that it is difficult to portray the ambience.
     
    #3 Muschi, Jul 28, 2018
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