Incredibly Dark Fic

Incredibly Dark Fic
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Rated M. ._. you have been warned.
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Please don't leave me, drug. I need you. You're like my lifeblood, the cause of why I was deemed a mistake—

I want to embrace you with my heavily scarred arms, to chastise you for the suffering you've caused me, to whisper into your ear and tell you that I need more...

The ecstasy you bring me, how I loved my first high—

I thought you'd help me in my time of hardship.

But alas, my faithful pair of scissors have proved better than you.

The blood that spills from that freshly opened wound, how I'd grit my teeth when the pain wakes me up—

It gives me the sweet moment of oblivion, when I look at my own body and wonder what I've done to make myself so pathetic.

The decor of the house is overdated, while other houses have expensive furniture. The tiles of the bathroom are old and rusty, with the cracks on the floor visibly showing, going from the porcelain of the bathtub to the sink. The carpet has blood stains, and the drain doesn't even work. Blood and water pour from the tub, filling the room with the stench of copper.

Yet I do nothing about it while I lay inside my comfort zone, with the curtains shut. I could feel the liquid touching my collarbone, the pleasent feeling of water caressing my skin.

Oh cruel world, how you tempt me with your evil wiles.

Voices speak in my head, their cynical attitude makes me doubt myself. I wouldn't survive this ordeal, I'd die in this room before I can even escale my own personal hell.

My inner demons wouldn't be defeated. I'm just ignoring them.

Ignore them and they will go away, they said,

And how has being oblivious to society's current state helped me?

No one pays attention to me. I don't fit their standards, my mother said,

But what standards, exactly? What excuses has society made for itself?

And what should I do? The truth is considered blasphemous, whatever I say is interperted as a lie.

Isn't this all just a bittersweet recluse?

Deluding ourselves into believing this is a perfect world without flaws, trying to escape the harsh reality by finding other ways?

You're the flaw, my dear.

Just embrace them, I say,

Embrace the darkness of the world, and let the pain and emptiness swallow you whole. Enjoy the numbness while it lasts.

'Fall into the dark abyss,

Let your hands wander,

The canvas of the world is at the pit's surface,

Let your fingers glide over parchment,

The truth is in red ink,

Written across the pages,

Feel the truth beneath your flesh,

While the burning intensifies—'
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My body. It's atrocious. The open wounds that look as if they are infected ooze blood, the crimson liquid resting on my thighs as it drips onto the slippery floor. My arms have stitchings that make me look like a raggedy ann doll. My hideous legs have red welts from burning myself with the hot water. Scratch marks were found on my hips, where my fingernails raked at my own flesh continuosly until the marks became permanent. Almost every part of my body had suffered from the wrath of my own self-hatred.

Especially my stomach, where an enormous scar settled.

The scars are a momentum. Each one tells a story. They're all souveniers, really. I always take a trip to my happy place whenever I receive one. Think of it as God's stamp of disapproval.

I can't help but give in to temptations.

I can think alone and accept the fact I'll never make it in life. I don't want to.

I think that as I swim in my own blood, letting the water sink into my skin as I stare straight at the walls, almost taunting them to sneer at me.

And they do.

That voice of reason comes back, with the bitter truth. I eye the scissors beside me, and I think,

'What chance do I have in this world, anyway?'

And the answer is...

Nothing.

Nothing,

At,

All.

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OhGodwhysodark

I don't know whether or not I posted this, but I am now. ._.

this was written like months ago... I find it to be incredibly dark and I wonder WHY I was even thinking about this. At all.

 

Nice use of words, Flubber! Thank you for your review. I loved it. ^.^

makes me feel less awkward for the fact I wrote this when I was 11 years old. ._.

 

I have to say though, your use of words did impress me quite a bit. The English lexicon is pretty extensive, no?

I fantasized about suicide as well as cutting... Not to mention I actually did act on my thoughts. I quit before it became an addiction, though.

 

Thanks guys. XD

I wrote this way back when I was depressed as fuck. Cutting myself wasn't enough, and since I was desperate, I wrote this. I tried to channel at my silent, seething range into this single oneshot... And I'm pretty sure it worked. But looking at it, I considered it too dark and threw it into the abyss where I keep all my rejected stories. XD

Now I brought it back. And silently regret it. Kinda. .-.

It's nice to know you guys like it though! ^.^

 

Bump.