I Hired a Hitman on Myself

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by EivorTheWolf-Kissed, May 29, 2019.

  1. Disclaimer: This story is not based on true events, nor has it actually happened. This is told for the sole purpose of entertainment. Also take note that it will become graphic and have violence in it so if you have a weak stomach and you're not keen to violence, please exit out of this thread. If you want more stories like this, please feel free to make comments and show your support. Now without further ado, let's begin.



    My life is completely boring. How in the exact hell did I end up here? I do have a good paying job and I live life to the fullest, but it felt like I did everything in this world I ever wanted to do. It seemed like everytime I try something new, it gets old real quick. My name's John and I have no girlfriend, no family, nobody. I live by myself and I work at a boring desk job where I waste 8 hours of my life staring at a computer screen every single <censor> day. My boss snapped me out of my mindset when he asked about the paperwork I was supposed to be done. I lied and told him it is and he had that "I'm the superior and you're a minion" type voice when he talked to me. Yeah sure whatever <censor>.

    I went to Starbucks thinking of all the <censor> I can do but then I even decided to go deeper by visiting the deep web. Seeing all the drugs and government leaks, it all seemed juicy, but then got old quick... Until I saw an ad. "Have a problem in your life? Let one of our cleaners help you solve it, by Cthulu's will." Now that sounded really exciting. I didn't think I'd be able to find anything like this, but the fact that I did, I guess you really can come across anything in the deep web.


    I sent them an email stating that I have a problem that needs to be solved. 3 hours later, I gained an email back from them with all the info they could give me about their company. Then, I suddenly had a thought. "What if I hired a hitman on myself?" Just the thought of that had my heart pumping and my blood racing, I never felt so excited about it. So I gathered up my money and sent them an email stating all the info they need. I then sent another saying, "please becareful of this guy. He travels a lot and he's possibly armed. You're gonna need your best hitman if you wanna take him down." They replied back saying they will send one of their best but it'll cost a little extra.

    How I knew <censor> was about to go down was when they sent a warning that stated "once this process has gone through, there's no going back. The job will be done and there's no stopping it." Never have I ever felt so alive after that. A game of cat and mouse. The winner gets to live and the loser... Dies. I sent my payment and it went through and was completed. They told me they're sending their best hitman out by 5 pm tomorrow and that's when I had enough time to be prepared. So I went to my job and did what any cubicle desk monkey dreamed of doing, since it was my last day of course. I told my boss to go <censor> himself and hit his head with the old <censor> keyboard. Now that, made me feel really good. I made sure to buy myself plenty of weapons and converted $30k into bitcoin. Nightfall came and I laid in my house and waited.



    Let the games begin




     
  2. interesting concept
     
  3. Just a heads up this has been done before. True events.
     
  4. Isn’t this a movie?
     
  5. Very cool illeism, my brain automatically filled in the censored context for me.?
     
  6. Not the first time op took irl things and posted them here :roll:
     
  7. exposed!
     
  8. I love this!! ? It's amazing, it's like I was in a movie, you seriously need to keep this up!! ?
     
  9. It's a lot better than talking about politics and other things that has no context and/or content.
     
  10. How long till this one is moved to fan fiction?
     

  11. It shouldn't be moved to fan fiction because it has nothing to do with PIMD, which is why I posted this in Off Topic, but if they do, then oh well. I'll still post more stories in the off topic section.
     
  12. I saw this story on reddit like a few years ago ig
     
  13. Shut up reddit nerd
     
  14. Shut up pimd loser
     
  15. Originality is overrated
     
  16. Originality? On Pimd? Never heard of it
     
  17. They posted your Wendigo story in fan fiction :)
     
  18. Nitpicking for no reason again...get a life
     
  19.