I throw the bracelet at him. "I hate you" I cried as I ran out of his house. How can he do this to me? I though he loved me. 20 minutes ago flashback -one the phone- "Hay Melissa guess what, I bought him a gift"I cheered "Omg.... that's fantastic I can't believe your still with Justin ever since high school, anyways what did you get him?" she asked happily "I know hahaha.. I got him a bracelet that says 'I love you' it looks awesome, I hope he likes it. "what are you saying? He will love it" Melissa stated. "haha I hope so, anyways I'm leavin now, I'm outside his house. "okay bye Jessica " she ends the call -end of call- Walking up the stairs, slowly *I can't believe this day has finally come 5 years together* I thought Putting the key into the lock as the door slowly opens, shutting it behind me as I enter the building. "Justin slow down" I hear a woman moan. "Hm" I hear Justin reply Opening the door of the bedroom I spot justin and another woman in his bed, bare naked. My heart stops for a moment as I feel tears coming. *stay strong jessica* Justin looks at me "baby this is not what it looks like" End of flashback Running down the street with tears flowing in around my eyes. Thanks for reading Feel free to read my other stories
Nice it's good. Make sure to capitalize letters when they have to be capitalized . Just reread your updates before posting. But everything else I like. Good Job.
I'm not going to sugar coat my opinion on this. Darling, a space after puncuation. You need more commas, and more details. Instead of putting dialouge as the entire story, try using sophsticated words to make it interesting. So far, it seems like another one of those cliché 'boy-friend cheated on me' romances, but I'll give it a shot. What I'm saying is, in short, your story needs more detail, more puncuation, and more depth. I know you just started, and it's pretty good. I'd give you a 4.5/10.
Gotta agree with chloe. It's hard to mentally visualize something when your barely given anything to base it off of. Also some parts don't make sense. Ex. You went to his house and opened his bedroom door? Is there no hallway? Is his house only a bedroom? Correct me if I'm wrong but that's what it seemed like. Also some spelling but we always misspell words. Sometimes someone telling you you spelled a word wrong is helpful. Dick and sick, as an example are two different words, but one letter different. Overall, it's not bad for a beginning. Just help us out by also letting us get to know the characters. This can make it more understandable and relatable.