Yes, you read it well. I declare war. Who is the great spiritual leader's target? Who's gonna get crushed? When is that flagrant annihilation? All these questions are good questions, dear followers, but my opponent is not a "who", it's a "what". Yes, a "what". What am I going to destroy? Why am I going to eradicate something? One word. Earwigs. July 18th, around 11:30PM I, the great -Abusive-Pope-, have found another earwig. Usually, I find them in the bathroom, outside my house, or in various areas of my beloved basement, or should I say my beloved parent's basement. That time was extremely different. It was in my bedroom. Yes, it happened one time in the past, last year when the earwigs first made their apparition in my town. But today was way different. I found the little fucker in the box of a cookie I was about to eat!!!!! So I trapped the invader and mourned the loss of my anticipated cookie. I was full of anger, and I was decided to use Réjeanne, my personal spider. Réjeanne is an inhabitant of my bedroom. I recently made peace with spiders and welcomed Réjeanne. She controlled the population of insects in my bedroom in a very effective way. So when I arrived to her web, where she would usually be found eating or waiting, I found nothing but her remaining... And two of these earwigs. It wasn't anger anymore, it was rage. They infected my last cookie, and killed my trusted ally. So I started scavenging the area surrounding my bed, and found a number of these little bastards. Using several different weapons to kill my opponents, I noticed that for every earwigs I killed, two more appeared. I fought with all my newly created hatred of their pesky race, in vain. So I closed my door, letting my Chinese sticks on the battlefield as a sign of temporary peace. They could get near my main weapons without getting crushed. While my enemies were analyzing my arsenal, I went upstairs and alarmed my father of the disastrous battle that took place in my very bedroom. So he decided to take a bottle of anti-insects spray and kill some earwigs. He was outnumbered and decided to flee. He told me that I had to sleep in another room for tonight, and that I would have to get rid of the invaders tomorrow. My heart was broken, and repaired to be broken again, and darkened. By the dawn, they will live their last moments. I have my plan, and it will not fail. It cannot fail. The earwigs took my food, my friend, my kingdom, and my comfort. So I will take their life and make them suffer. Due to the length of this thread, I will post my holy victorious plan as a response of this thread if you, dear public, demand to learn about it. Have a good night, and beware the invaders.
It's actually what happened to me a little earlier tonight. I just made the words look a little fancier.
Lmfao I hate those bitches! i came home today and there was on the wall right next to me and it made me flip out. Their like miniature scorpions.
Only one? Lucky you! There was a total of 17 earwigs defeated by my hand before I quit the fierce battle.
omg Those bugs are nasty!! A few weeks ago i was going to get ice cream and found one?, it wasnt in the fridge, but still too close!
I remember that. You made a club named Vampire Ninja Bugs for me. Réjeanne, my fallen spider, used to make a royal feast out of these Vampire Ninja Bugs. It was a reflection of her graciousness.
I tell you, they come to invade us. I hereby declare a restless war until they vanish from this planet. For Réjeanne the great spider, for my cookie, for my bedroom, and for humanity!
I'm not sure I've even ever seen an earwig but I would definitely declare an all out war on them after everything they've done to you. Poor Réjeanne!
My temporary exile is terrible. I slept on the floor with only one pillow and a very small mattress. My revenge will be terrible. I have managed to gather some allies to help me in my quest.