What’s a nice way to tell your friend you feel used and want to back out of helping them? It’s a huge long story but the short version is I agreed to move in with my friend while she’s getting a divorce. I was suppose to help out with the kids occasionally. Instead I’ve basically become their mother. I’m overwhelmed and have my own stuff to deal with that I’m “not allowed” to deal with because it would interfere with watching her kids. I’m terrible at confrontation and the thought of having to stand up for myself makes me want to throw up. So like pointers would be awesome. I know what I’m asking and by posting on here I know what I’m opening myself up too. Anywho, thanks for coming to my thread. ?
Rather than saying you currently feel those ways tell your friend you don’t want to possibly feel that way later on, gets the point somewhat expressed without being so direct. Opens the conversation in a subtle way
Maybe they encouraging her to spend more time taking care of her kids, like it is her idea. Like, "You are such an amazing mother. I think it is really wonderful when you (activity) with (kid's name.)" and stuff along those lines so it isn't true confrontation and it sort of manipulates her into doing the stuff she should already be doing with positive reinforcement. Remind her what a "good mom" she is for being so present with the kids while they go through the difficulties of their parents getting divorced. But tbh I am not very compassionate with moms like that.
Probably should tell her like Hey I’m your friend remember not your personal babysitter. I got a life these are you little humans please watch after them. You pay rent. You have bills. Pretty sure you most certainly have a job. Just because you’re home doesn’t mean that you’re the babysitter.
Give her an invoice for babysitting services rendered. Or sit her down an explain to her how the friendship has been far to one-sided lately and you want to address the situation now before the friendship is ruined
Divorce is difficult for children just as much as their parents. They need their mom more than they need their mom's friend. It's not just in your best interest that she involves herself more in their lives; it's for their best interest too. Maybe look up some cool day trips for them to take or some movies for them to watch and spend time together. Make it not so much about you (could be misinterpreted selfish) but about her children.
the people who are able to put others in those positions are usually the ones who need that confrontation the most
Thank you guys for giving me real solid advice. I appreciate it a lot. I think I’m gonna use a combination of everything that was posted. I’d like to say ily and ty again ?
Good luck with everything But stand firm. Yes it sucks for your friend that she’s going through a divorce, don’t let her use that to manipulate you into getting you to do what she wants. As a friend you are there to support her while she goes through the divorce, not take over all her responsibilities as an adult and mother. You have your own to deal with in life, and wanting to make your own life your priority again isn’t a bad thing nor does it make you a bad friend. Gotta start putting you first!
Tell them. I know it might be hard (because I’m the same exact way.. I help all my friends and get used A LOT yet I still do it) but either tell them directly, and if they get all defensive, or try turning it on you, they’re using you.