Genetics

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by -Miss_Author_Shana_Alana-, Nov 27, 2012.

  1. Okay, here is my newest story. I've been putting it off for a while and I've decided, what the hell? What do I have to lose? Inspiration? Happened before and didn't stop me.

    Anyway, have you read Virials or Seizure? No? Yes? Well, if you have, sorry that it might sound like these two stories. If not, read the books. Really lovely books.

    This story is like those two stories. Sorta. And it's based a few hundred years into the future. So islands I will be putting in the story, not real in the areas I'm talking about. And same with some technology-like features.

    Okay, I'm done talking. Now, here's my story!
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    Genetics

    Prologue

    Crack!

    A branch drops near the guys' heads.

    Crack!

    My heart thumps hard in my cheat hearing that noise.

    It hit the tree next to my head, ricocheting away from me and Dani.

    Crack!

    I run.

    I leave behind the biggest discovery we have ever made.

    The discovery? Once in a life time event. Life? I wouldn't have made the discovery if I didn't live. And I treasure life more than anything.

    Death is scary, sure. A gun? Scary shit when it's pointed at your head.

    I see something zip by me. In a split second, I know who it is. Charlie. He's never ran that fast in a life time. I'm surprised he can run.

    When I hit the beach, I roll behind a rock. I see Charlie not too far away. That breath isn't that hard to hear when he's heaving out his breath.

    Dani springs out of the forest and slides in beside me.

    "Hey," she whispers, leaning on me, breathing like Chuck. I nod to acknowledge her, but my eyes are elsewhere. Hunter. Where is Hunter? I didn't hear a fourth shot go off. Good? I sure hope.

    "Dani, did you see Hunter?" I whisper frantically. Dammit, where is he? He's as fast as I am. Maybe faster? Okay, no, he's not.

    "I didn't," she whispers back. Oh, dear God, no.

    "Charles, did you see Hunter back there?" I ask him.

    "Tripped. I don't know what happened after that," he replied in a shaky voice. Damn it. Damn it all to Hell.

    Calm down, girlie, I think to myself. Okay. He tripped? Okay. Two possible things could have happened. One: When he tripped, he could have been hidden well enough to keep away the shooters. Two: The shooters found him and kidnapped him.

    My heart sinks into my stomach at that second thing.

    Not very helpful.

    "Come on, Hunter. Where are you?" I whisper. I feel my gut tie in knots. Sweat is running down my face. He has to be coming. He just has to.
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    Feedback? Thoughts? Concerns? Compliments? Anything will be nice.
     
  2. Nice, I don't see any flaws  BUMP
    Please wall me when updated 
     
  3. A nice, long chapter for you all to read, dearies.
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    Chapter 1

    Oak Harbor, Washington. Cold almost year round. My lovely home. My friends are there. So is my father's grave. I never wanted to leave it. But, then again, I wouldn't have met my mother or my genius friends.

    My father just died only a few short weeks ago. He is what made me the person I am. He was everything to me. My mother disappeared when I was barely a year old. I don't remember her at that time. I didn't even know who she was.

    Until I moved in with her.

    "Elenoria," I hear. I blink when I realize I've spaced out. Great. At least I'm somewhere in my paper.

    "Yes, Claire, what is it?" I call back to her as I stand from the computer. Only one page to go out of twenty. And there's a week left to finish. Though, what do you expect from a girl who is deeply devoted to school.

    Claire's my mother. It's strange calling her "Mom," and "Mother," so I just call her Claire. She doesn't tell me not to. So I assume she fine with it.

    "Charlie's here!" she calls back, her thick Irish accent ringing through my brain. That's where I get it from. My Irish accent is quite similar, but rusty from not being around someone of the same origin.

    "Amazing! Thanks, Claire! And now a scolding," I say, riding the rail of the stairs down to the living room.

    "Elenoria, don't do that," she scolds. I guessed correct.

    "It's Ellie, Claire, not Elenoria," I proudly state as I jump off of the railing. "Hey, Chuck. Looking gorgeous, as usual," I tease.

    "You flatter me, my good friend," he says sarcastically. He dramatically places his hand on his chest and bats his eyelashes. I smirk and poke his cheek, making him laugh and pulling him out of his act. He walks out of the room with me as I yell to Claire that I'm leaving.

    "Where's the other two geniuses of the pack?" I ask as we get on our bikes. Charles isn't much for biking. He isn't even in that good of shape. And biking through a hilly, old town of Missouri, it's a workout for the big guy.

    "Hunter's getting there. Dani's working on getting there. Her parents aren't letting her out easily," Charlie says, huffing and puffing like the big, bad wolf from "The Three Little Pigs."

    "What'd she do this time?" I ask, watching him puff out breath after breath as I pedal with ease.

    "Something about sneaking out. I couldn't catch it all," he says, shrugging and puffing. We finally arrive at the bunker. It's small but remote. It's was abandoned for at least two centuries before we entered it. I was the one to find it after wandering aimlessly for hours while everyone was grounded for...

    Well, there isn't a way to make it sound good so I'll say it straight: we stole and ancient artifact from a local museum. Dani's father found it after we took turns hiding it. She told. Claire was too busy to do anything and kept her boyfriend from doing anything about it like he was my father. Anyway, we needed a better place to hind things for important cases.

    We are high school detectives.

    "Dear God, that girl has turned into a rebel after we...well, you know as much as I do what we did. So, Hunter will be there, right?" I ask, looking at the bunker.

    "Why? Anxious to see him?" Chuck says, nudging me with his elbow, chuckling.

    "No. I'm just curious. Are you?" I ask him, looking at him now, a smirk on my lips.

    "No. I was just kidding. Sheesh. Way to turn it on me," he rolls his eyes. I shrug and walk into the bunker. With it's remote location, it's a lovely place to hide our prized possessions and our case clues and files. We leave our case money here so we won't be tempted to take any without the others' knowing. The latest artifact we have here is a statue from the museum. Stolen. We are going to give the thing back...just haven't found the time...

    "Ah, the memories," Chuck says, breathing in the old, damp scent of the old bunker.

    "Stolen, found, and made," I hear. Not Hunter. I turn and smile at Dani.

    "How d'you get out?" I ask.

    "How d'you think? I snuck out. I heard my parents bitching, I nodded and said, 'Sorry, it won't happen again,' and I snuck out. 'Twas nothing," she grins, her white teeth bringing her pale face a paler glow.

    Dani isn't much. She doesn't care about much. Now days, all she cares about is being a bad ass. She's dyed her blond hair to green and red. Christmas-y colors. She wears what her parents hate, does what her parents hate, and blah, blah, blah. She's known as the major rebel now days. Her grades are fine, but she bitches at the teachers, yells at them, fights with them, gets called to the principle's office and gets suspended for short periods of time. The only reason why she's still in school is because her father and mother pay lots o' cash to the school.

    "Seen Hunter?" I ask, turning around to head to our file cabinet. I pull out files and shut it as I hear someone breathing in my ear. God, I hate that. And I know who is irritating me like that. Because he loves to piss me off sometimes.

    "Hunter," I say as I turn. He looks at me with a straight face, his green eyes looking into mine, our faces close together. I have to admit, Hunter is gorgeous. Not Chuck gorgeous. Like male model gorgeous. Perfectly tan skin, beautiful green emerald eyes, jet black hair, and just a beautiful muscular structure.

    I'm not into Hunter...am I? I don't know. I don't really let the thoughts get to me. But we clash a lot...may explain a lot.

    "Elenoria," he says, causing me to frown. He knows I hate that. I bring my foot up to his chest and push him back. Extremely flexible, I am. I move to the only window, which looks out to the ocean.

    "Alright, what's next?" I ask everyone as I lean on it, opening up some files.

    "I haven't heard anything around town," Charlie says, shrugging.

    "How about finding out why my father is a dick and why my mother is a bitch?" Dani shrugs. Hunter just shakes his head. He isn't one to talk.

    "No, but thanks for the suggestion, Dani," I smile. I look through files and see we've got nothing new. Just boring cases like stolen bikes, lost pets, and missing artifacts, curtesy of the museum. Oops... Luckily, most have been "found" except for the one that's in the bunker.

    "I have nothing myself," I say, thinking. Nothing is coming to mind. "The only thing we need to do is break into the museum and return our only artifact that we stole. Other than that, nothing."

    "Well, I guess that's all for the day," Dani says. "I'm going to go pick up more babes at the bar. Later!" Dani an he fake ID. Something has made that girl go bonkers. Dani walks out of the bunker, taking a quick glance at Charles before leaving. Now, I know she has a thing for him. She just wants him jealous. Happening? Possibly. I need to inspect that.

    "Well, I'm heading home," I say, putting up the files.

    "Me too. I need to sleep so we can get that artifact to the museum tomorrow," Chuck says.

    "Alright. See ya," I say, watching him head out of the bunker. I'll just ride home.

    "I'll walk with ya," Hunter says, causing me to look at him. My expression: Da ****?

    He smirks. His expression: Well?

    I raise my eyebrows. My expression: What the fuck made you Mr. Generous?

    He smirks again. Then he winks. Interpretation: I'm messing with ya.

    It's a wonder that we can read each other's expressions and we've only known each other for a few weeks.

    "Thanks, asshole," I say, rolling my eyes. I walk outside and grab my bike, starting the walk. Hunter jogs out from the bunker and starts beside me. I looks over at him, his facial expression unreadable.

    "So, how you holding out?" he asks after a long time of walking. I just shrug. Claire is alright. It's her boyfriend that's killing me. Acting like I'm his daughter when I'm not.

    "I guess it could be worse..." I say, drifting off. I can't really think about how worse it could get. I could die...but that doesn't seem likely. Claire could end up dying because of a disease she's studying...again, not likely. Claire's smart. She wouldn't.

    "Well, I guess...," he says, drifting off with a smirk playing upon his lips. God, I hate the boy. He knows I hate answers with less than five words. It's annoying. Why give an answer that's so short? A proper answer deserves at least five words or more, I believe.

    We stay quiet for the rest of the long, peaceful walk. It isn't awkward, but it isn't pleasant either. I hate silence too, but it's much better than talking with Hunter when he knows how to irritate you. He found out more about me in one day than my friends in Washington did in a few years. But, that, of course, was the day he was most talkative. Calling me names, which didn't bother me, other than my real name, was one. Another was asking me many stupid questions. Which got really annoying.

    We finally get to my house and Hunter just waves bye. I park my bike outside the door and enter the house.

    "Claire! I'm home! Earlier than usual," I call to her. Then I hear her giggle. Dammit. Daniel. Her boyfriend.

    "Oh, Ellie, darling, come join us!" I hear her call back. I walk into the dining room and cross my arms, watching them laugh and drink. The only time Claire drinks is when Daniel is here.

    "Elenoria, my dear," Daniel says, smiling.

    "I'm not your daughter, Danny," I say. He hates it when I call him that. And I enjoy his irritation.

    "Ellie, I have news!" Claire hiccups. I roll my eyes. Please tell me Danny didn't propose.

    "What is it, Claire? What is the lovely news?" I say, glaring at her and Danny.

    "We're moving!"
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    Thoughts?
     
  4. Well, to those non-existing fans, here is an update.
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    Chapter 2

    "Wait...what?" I say, staring at Claire.

    "To Florida! To Longfurrow Island!" she cheers. She's crazy. She just has to be.

    "What about Hunter? Charlie? Dani? My friends! Your work!" I exclaim.

    "MTI is moving our branch to Florida to study primates. It's permanent. So, now, SFTI will take our branch." Claire sets her wine down and stands to look at me. I am not looking at her happily. Not cheering. Not even smiling.

    "When?" I ask, looking at her.

    "Tonight!" she squeals, causing me to freeze. Tonight? Damn. I finally make my legs move and I run up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I turn on my computer with the simple flick of hand, tapping my foot in anticipation.

    "Hurry, hurry hurry!" I exclaim impatiently. Finally, it is completely on and I command it to go to iChat. I send emails to all of our pack to get on iChat.

    Dani is the first to log on.

    "Did you hear?!" she exclaims. She's at home. I snort. The liar.

    "What?" she asks.

    "Nice way to try to provoke Chuck," I smirk. I see her blush. A fierce, powerful blush. Just as a wonderful friend joins in.

    "Dani, what is with your face?" Charles asks, entering our chat room. He's moving closer to the screen to see Dani's face clearly as she turns her head.

    "Nothing," we say in unison.

    "Did you hear about the branch?" I ask him. He nods, his face going from amused by Dani's blush to grim.

    "I don't understand why we have to move to Longfurrow Island. It just does not make since to me," Dani says, shaking her head clear of the blush.

    "I don't either. And where is Hunter?" I ask, tapping my foot. Again, I'm impatient. He needs to be here for this meeting.

    "Someone is anxious," Dani says, looking at me through the screen. I really don't care what she thinks at the moment.

    "He just needs to be here, damn it," I say, slamming my hand on the desk that holds my computer. They jump at my reaction. I know it would have to scare Charles, but Dani? Well, probably she didn't expect it.

    "Chillax, girl," Dani says, looking at me again. "He'll be here. Didn't he take his car?" Hunter, since I haven't mentioned, is the eldest of the bunch. Dani's the youngest. Chuck and I are in the middle. Hunter's sixteen. Dani's fifteen, but only just. I'm soon to turn sixteen and Chuck's behind me by a couple of months.

    "No," I say, sighing.

    "Nein?" Charles asks, speaking the only German word he knows.

    "He walked me home," I say in a choked voice, regretting it the moment I said it. Chuck wolf-whistles as Dani winks at me. "Oh, knock it off. He was just being kind. Besides, that's not the point."

    "What is the point?" Dani asks, curious.

    "The point isー"

    "That I'm now here," Hunter says, filling in the last corner of the screen.

    "Damn it, Hunter, what took you so long?" I ask him, extremely pissed off.

    "Getting the news, that's what. I guess you three heard too," he says, leaning back in his chair.

    "Damn right we did! This is crazy!" I exclaim. Dani just nods. Chuck frowns. And Hunter shakes his head.

    "So, what's the real point?" Dani asks.

    "The statue," I say. They nod, already knowing what I'm meaning. "Since it's tonight, we need to head out within the next couple hours and get that statue back into place."

    "Agreed. I'll get the statue. Meet me at the museum," Dani says, grinning playfully. She logs out and I know she's already running out her door.

    "See you there," I say, logging out as well. I grab my bag and run out of my room, sliding down the railing again. I can hear Claire giggle. That damn giggle. I hate that giggle.

    "I'm going out!" I call as I yank the front door open. I slam it shut and jump on my bike. I'm now racing to the museum, going so fast. I play over what I am planning to do. Have Dani pick the lock. Have her place the statue back. Lock it. Run. I sure hope this works.

    But...as all of our brilliant plans go, we are going to be busted.

    Only if I could know what is going to go on...
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    Sorry it's so short. Any concerns? Comments? Anything? I appreciate feedback.
     
  5. Its really really really good!!! I think you should maybe add a bit more detail, like what the statue looks like, or the surrounndings, ya know?? Keep writing this! Its amazing!