Okay so this is my first time putting some of a story of mine on PIMD. If its any good I'll continue to post. ---------------------- It the day before my birthday and I'm packing a small suitcase... With all of my sister and my own stuff. I walk over to her mattress on the floor telling her it's time to wake up. She yawns then asks "Big sis do we really have to go at 5 in the morning" I walk to where my bed is and take out my collection of hidden cash I have from working. I turn to her and say "yes, now come with big sis outside the taxi should be here.
This part is pretty boring but it tells where they are going and about why they are going. -------------------- We get in the taxi and driver asks where we want to go. I give him the address to my best friend's house and we leave our terrible house. 10 minutes later we stop at a large fancy house. We exit the taxi after I payed the taxi driver and collected our suitcase. I took my sisters hand walked to te door. "Tanaya we are staying at Mika's house for a week. We are going to have lots of fun and no mean big people to hurt us." She smiled as I knocked on the door. "Who is is?" Lauren asked in her usual happy voice "It's me Lauren who else would be here this early" She opened te door and let me in.
I know not much people have read or like this story but I'm going to put a third update so it tells you a bit more information. --------------------- Later that morning at about 8am Lauren's mother Cathy came to me announcing breakfast was ready and I come an get it while it hot before cheerfully going back downstairs. Tanaya and I had been given a large bed room with two amazing twin sized beds, a large wardrobe, a desk with a laptop and a giant mirror. I quickly put on one of the silk robes, which we were given then walking over to Tanaya with her robe. "Wake up Tanaya time for some food." Slowly Tanaya got up wiping her eyes. "I had the best sleep a 6 year old could ever have!" Tanaya said excitedly before putting on the robe. After breakfast Cathy smiled to before saying "Okay I have a few things we can do tomorrow for your 17th birthday, but most places will be shut for new years." I always loved how Cathy treated my sister and I as her own children. I smiled before saying back "I'm just happy do be in a place where I can just be myself while not being commended and threatened to do things."
Make sure to use commas and correct punctuation for the story, or it will be hard to read. Also use paragraphs. Otherwise, it's good!
Okay Chloe says to put constructive criticism so "I think you should have chosen a more original name, but other than that I love the story!"
Thanks for the criticism. I have never met anyone with these names but Hope you like this update ------------------ The supermarket in this part of town was so much better. Smelled cleaner, was bigger and had the best customer service. I walked down to the bakery to collect some fresh bread. That's when I had one of my terrible flashbacks. It was late mum stormed into my room. "You get up now and make me a coffee" she wobbled onto the bed on the floor obviously drunk. Tanaya hadn't even been born yet so it was just me and my parents. I walked into the kitchen dad was in there as well but he was arguing with a pot plant. I quickly rushed to put a pot of water on the oven for mum's coffee. I took the cup to mum, she took drank a small about before shoving it back at me spilling the hot coffee all over me. The flash back ended and I quickly pointed out a loft of bread and paired for it.
Short update till I get a few more ideas ------------------------- The cool thing about being born on new years is that I can count down for both my birthday and the coming of a new year. It's 5 minutes till the first of January. Lauren and I were making chocolate milkshakes to past the last of the time. Once we finish we check our timer and there is only 25 seconds left, I smile at Lauren "I'm going to be 17 and in my last year of high school. I'm also going to be allowed to drive without being supervised." We started counting down... "5, 4, 3, 2, 1" we started to clap and jump up and down. "Lets celebrate by making a speech then drink out milkshakes" Lauren smiled at her amazing idea. "May this year be full of happiness!"