first story: THE... I don't know what to call it

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by abs140, May 4, 2012.

  1. hey this is my first story after one idea I got this now I don't know what I'm writhing bit THERE WILL BE A TWIST 
     
  2. Dear Diary: this is my first day of writing in here so here is my story...
    My name is Abbie but everyone calls me Abbs or Abbster. My parents have split up for about 10 years now I am 14 , yes I was only four when I never saw my dad. I live with my mum but she is always at bingo and clubs she is pretty young , she is 36. She always gets on my nerves well it's like 4:00 in the day and it's sunny so I'm going to the local park to hang out with my mates
    bye diary
    x Abbs
     
  3. Be more descriptive is my only criticism and make sure your spelling is correct
     
  4. -I'm at the park now- says the text to my friend Jemma or as we call her gems *half an hour passes she still hasn't shown up* then the guy that I'm crushing on madly comes up beside me and it's just him and me in this huge park. I check my phone then we are sitting on this small rock wall I put my hand on the rock then his hand accidentally. goes onto mine
     
  5. then we both pull away as quickly as possible. I text gem again to see where she is. EVENTUALLY -after an awkward silence between me and him I say in my head he is soo hot I love him you just wanna kiss him! He doesn't know I fancy him- gem texts back saying I can't make it then I tell euan gallycker that my friend didn't show up and I need show up and I needed to o. I felt sad that theoment was ending
     
  6. thanks flubber
     
  7. will update soon just want to make sure people are reading
     
  8. Still detail is key
     
  9. okay flub 
     
  10. im not good with my spelling though so sorry to everyone who reads and its spelt wrong
     
  11. ATTENTION IF YOU ARE READING MAKE SURE YOU WRITE A COMMENT 
     
  12. Details and grammer check please..
     
  13. update time now we will see euan's view of things
     
  14. NAVREET I said up there I'm no good at spelling but didn't say this even though I'm not : im not good at grammar eiter
     
  15. Well if your no good at spelling and refuse to spell check then don't bother continuing this story. Another thing is your story is extremely boring to read you are writing about something I've read a bunch of times it's so unoriginal also you need descriptive words and stuff
    Example
    Boring sentence:
    The horse walked to the barn

    Awesome sentence:
    The beautiful mare trotted over to the red barn that is in shambles.

    See more interesting and by the way this is not an rp so do not use -- to say the setting
     
  16. I agree with you Dash
     
  17. Dash: You beat me to the chase. I was just about to say the same thing.

    em: Sorry, but it's true. Get an original idea. Use the correct punctuation. Improve with the rest of the elements of grammar. Add detail. Do spell checks or at least put your autocorrect on. Make the updates longer. Use paragraphing.
     
  18. *Twitch* So many things wrong..